I have had my ipod on shuffle for the last 3 days. This is supposed to allow me to remember songs that i have forgotten about. What it has resulted in has been almost a physical yanking of consciousness. I remember when I used to have this song on repeat for a whole week, I remember how I couldn't bare to listen to this one, I didn't listen to the lyrics like this before, this one has a different color than before. I also fear the repeat function of ipods. It is so easy to just repeat a playlist of set songs. After listening to that playlist for too long, you can become trapped within the mood of that playlist. At the same time, I think it is therapeutics to listen to songs that are able to musically relate, and speak lyrically about your relative situations or feelings. But like anything in repetition, it can warp your way of thinking, and impair you. That is why I am under the goal of, while i'm skipping songs every now and then, at least saying in shuffle mode until I have gone through my whole library.
The philosopher Schopenhauer gave an often-quoted example of porcupines trying to get through a cold winter. They huddle together for warmth, but their sharp quills prick each other, so they pull away. But then they get cold. The have to keep adjusting their closeness and distance to keep from freezing and from getting pricked by their fellow porcupines-the source of both comfort and pain.
We need to et close to each other to have a sense of community , to feel we're not alone in the world. But we need to keep our distance from each other to preserve our independence, so others don't impose on or engulf us. This duality reflects the human condition. We are individual and social creatures. We need other people to survive, but we want to survive as individuals.
-The Workings of Conversational style
-Deborah Tannen, Ph. D.
I am ok in the sense that I feel neutral. Things are still so awkward, but I do not know how to distance myself. Am I too close physically? Am I too far away psychologically? I need to continue to preserve my neutral self, while adding improvements, before I can move on to preserve other people.
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You will probably find it interesting that self preservation seems to work most smoothy when your concept of self is not in the foreground obstructing the rest of your world. Take care of yourself, but don't lose your context, your changes, your channels between other people.
I think you would appreciate The Conference of the Birds
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