Pressures

It is 2 am, I have a research paper due in the afternoon, and I am writing on my blag.
Well, cheerio then.

I do not believe that people are as attuned to pressures and weight as they might think they are. On the whole, I would actually say that most people do not actually understand what it means to do something "softly". Lately, I have been reading several books on personality assessment through nonverbal language, microexpressions, nonverbal communication, and linguistic metamessages (also, I highly recommend reading Deborah Tannings works).

Am I suggesting that people do not know how to control their own bodies, and thus do not know what it means to move "softly"? No. I would say that most people are extremely aware of their bodies. From the uncoordinated gamer to the dexterous harp player, I would guess everyone is aware of what their bodies are doing. I would not say, however, that they know why they are moving the way they are, what their flow is, what they are communicating, or to what degree they are participating in any of these actions. People can be beautiful sports players, and refined cooks and still not have an idea as to what "softness", or more specifically, "pressure" is.

Softness in movement is different from softness of physical description. I feel vaguely hypocritical even writing this because I know I have only personally experienced the tip of this ice berg. I do not feel as if I entirely understand enough to communicate about it, but I have to say I know enough that I can feel it, and I can notice it. In the most basic form, softness is something not forceful, hard, ridged, or inflexible. It is tender, accepting, conforming, and unimposing. I want to focus on unimposing for a moment.

unimposing, to me, goes hand in hand with a form of intimate respect. There is an underlying respect to softness. It has its own form to hold, but it is still respectful of the form and pressures that are being placed upon it. A small agreement of identities if you will. It is this relationship that I'm not sure too many people understand, and then are able to act upon. From my own experience (and earlier discussion on a seemingly universal "flow" in movements and activities), here are some examples of underlying respect, and careers I would expect people would have to intimate with this idea in order to survive.
-Dancing
-Drawing
-Slack rope
-Climbing
-Soccer
-Cooking
-Any musical instrument, or faculty
-Any martial arts
-To an extent, writing and story telling
-Architecture
-Making friends
-Keeping your friends
-Keeping your friends healthy

This semester, I have been rubbing a lot of backs. This is not where the thought came from, but it certainly seems to be the most frequent example where I can practice this thought. Touch is a gradient. In order for a touch to be soft, there must be a hardness, a stiffness with which to contrast it with. Otherwise, if you rub someone's back, you will be unable to adapt to the necessary tension points, and your friend will be disappointed. Softness is also a gradient. There is a light softness, and hard softness. It is still accepting, but it doesn't quite bend so easily to the identity of the incoming other. A dance of distances, a dance of pressures.

The reason I feel people do not practice this is because the overwhelming amount of motions I see are heavy. They are weighty, almost as if someone is swinging a heavy rock around on a string. There is fluidity because of the constant motion of the swinging rock, but there is still a heavy cadence. It thuds, it rolls awkwardly down a stairs, it stutters.

Watching someone who moves both softly, and smoothly is something that's near awe inspiring to me. There is an amazing amount of respect actively being shown between both the state of mind, and the body's capabilities, and the nature of the environment it is working it.

There Is A Miscommunication There

This will be written when I have time to dedicate to it. The bare bones of this post will focus on the miscommunication people have with me when I say something a kin to "I should have been able to do such-and-such. That would have prevented this" or "Its my fault, because I didn't try hard enough here, and because I was not enough, this negative thing resulted". They tend to immediately yell/whine at me for taking an impossible stance in which the situation is outside of my control and that I am now suffering irresponsibly and out of proportion to my actual possible involvement in the situation.

I will continue to write something about how the whole point that I even make such a statement is because there WAS a point in which had I actually been acting in ways that I feel are within my ability and potential, I should have been able to positively affect the situation. This would have been accomplished by actually being the creature, the 'Sam' that I hold my standard self perception to. The best possible Sam should have been able to make a difference. I am not, and have never been, and will probably never be Best Possible Sam. I know this, and I know when I don't have control over things. However, that doesn't excuse me as a bystandard observer to simply watch something happen. I should be able to say clutch words. I should be able to pick others up. I should be able to have relavent skills for future endeavors and adventures.

I should be prepared, and these situations show that I am still lacking in one respect or another from Best Possible Sam.

This ties into why I feel compelled to learn as much as I possibly can. I know nothing. I can do just a few things well, or at least ok. I am not terribly proficient at practically anything. I could at least try to be competent. I could at least try to be not dumb.

I Got This

I have recently returned to Whitman after a long and necessary break. When I left, I was near convinced that lives were crumbling, options disappearing because of my own lack of tact, as well as being more personally affected by others problems than I had even initially intended. Work had taken over most of my day, and when it was time to unwind and sleep, all that came around was reminders of could-have-beens, and the worst possible interpretations of events under the guise of "at least then I'll be prepared when they happen".

Three times became one, and strings from the past pulled all too strongly in order for future projections to be lived in sickening realism and accuracy. It reminded me strongly of how I felt when I was kind of grabbing for things three years ago. It would have been a lot harder to get through the last week without my Whitman Family. So thank you Mari, thank you Diana, thank you Daniel, and thank you Spencer for being such a great roommate.

That being said, also thank you my Wisconsin brothers for the winter break. I am not sure when we will all be assembled again, but I was glad I could see everyone at least once. I am sorry I did not get to have a farm party mom. When I get back we will dance in the only way does with a puppy, pizza, and too much slippery hardwood floor.

I was happy to have seen Grandma and know that she is doing a little better. I am a little shaken by how well I was able to accurately guess how the scene was presented to me. It was good to be able to talk to her and know that she might be out by spring. I look forward to spending time with you the next summer I am home.

The last semester was, looking back, filled with awkward gaps and runs of motion. While things really didn't move all that differently from freshmen year, I just feel as if something... wasn't quite there. In many ways it was much better and much healthier, but I feel as if my momentum was not always very constant. This semester, this moment in time I am reminded that if things are to be done, I must be the one to place the foundation stone by stone. I am back with my friends, and some of the people I trust the most if some unforeseeable thing happens to spring. I am not breathing quite as quickly, and I know that this equilibrium is not going to be disrupted. I am reminded of a Bill Nye the Science Guy episode on solids and liquids.

I am a liquid, happy and unafraid to fill unfamiliar and empty containers.

There's too much to do, but there is exactly enough time to do it.

Starting...now.

Recontinued Remember pt. 4

Three times at once.

This is a topic that I am not sure I can speak for many people on either thorough observation, or guessing at possible perspectives. For my own introspective curiosity then, I will try to describe what I mean by my perception of time and how hard it is sometimes to remain in one specific period for too long.
When I think about time, It comes to me as this foggy path with a orange glowing strand of string running back as far as I can see, and as far infront of me into the fog as I can tell. When I am looking to understand a past event, guess my present condition, or guess a future action, all three are extremely persistant in vying for my attention. It is, from my observations of others, easier for me than others to become trapped in the past, or removed into the future. I have become pretty good at removing myself from the present and have had numerous times where I feel as if my central core of thought and mind is not located within my body, but rather from a third person view, seeing myself as a character moving through some motions while I am held to watch in an objective attention. What this person does doesn't mean anything to me. I wonder how he will rectify this, or solve that. Whether the ease to which I can slip into this mode is a side effect of practicing effective roleplaying, or if this has actually helped me take other's points of view I cannot say. It is a little difficult to explain how one thinks of three separate times simultaneously, but that is, I think, the best word for it. I relive my mistakes in the same instant that I move to make sure they do not repeat themselves, as well as try my best to realistically imagine how my life might be better or worse because of my actions or words. It is bizarre, because it happens so fast, and sometimes both fast, and for a long time. Almost like a..semi controlled panic attack that jumps planes. What I think is important to note is that I do not just remember or imagine the past and future, but I live them. Touch, smell, tone, lighting, objects, emotions, how hard my hand is clenched, where I am located in my house, in the state, in the world, what the weather is like, how others around me have spoken, or will speak, how full I am, what background noises am I hearing. This is what I mean. This is why it is hard for me to stay in one place because at times I am living three lives at once, and despite their overlapping, it is still chaotic.

Looking into the fog, I can roughly see where the line of light has disappeared, but from there, the strand becomes less obvious and splits into a multitude of paths. Looking back I can see the rainbow of decisions and course alterations.
"It is today already, but it is not Tomorrow yet."
-Me

Since I'm Here. Recontinued Remember: pt 3

Since I've just been talking with people for what is now five hours already I must resign myself that I'm not going to be doing homework today. I also haven't been writing. Now that I have had a warm up I feel moved to note down a few things.

Over this weekend I began to be come so calm about the way things were that that lack of commotion or problems in it of itself seemed to be problem. When things seem fine I am inclined to look for the problem that I am over looking. It is usually a misinterpretation, something misunderstood or straight out ignored. I was reminded this night that my sister is not the only one I can converse with at a high level of understanding. Granted, I would be hard pressed to say that any one ever will be able to get onto our level of color, shared experiences, and inside connecting jokes of interest and codexes, but at times I feel as if I forget this. I forget that there are other intelligently aware people surrounding me if I take the chance to reach out a little or do the correct prodding.

I am also working on trusting people to be good people more. While it is not as if I consciously or instinctively distrusted people, it was interesting to see that in cases of confusion and uncertainty, I withdraw and worry rather than trust them to be a capable human being that doesn't mean to harm me. They are doing the best they can with the given situation and how they move about it. They are not searching to do wrong, and it can be avoided with simple communication.

Geneva showed me a video of people dancing extraordinarily, and recently I watched a Youtube video on par kour combined with gymnastics and mixed martial arts. Then I went and climbed a tree. I feel as if I've touched on this before but the physical movement of it all is what, heh, moves me. I am beginning to feel more confident as if when one does something well, or becomes pretty good at a thing, there is this rhythm to it that can be translated from almost anything. I feel it when I write Japanese Calligraphy, in climbing, in dancing, in soccer, in TaeKwonDo, in piano, in cooking, and how one moves through a math problem. There is a beat, a movement to it all. A flow. Hopefully in time I well develop a better connection with amazing connectivity between environment and self. It feels so safe and so wonderful.

REMEMBER: Roleplaying
On situations and people doing what they can with what they have reminds me to continue topics I discussed with Tracy last year. I felt as if alot of problems in social relations between people be it groups, relationships, etc. occur from problems in role playing. It is something that I am simply used to doing. Partly being brought up in a way that emphasized not troubling anyone else unless you absolutely must, it became a tool that I have since developed. As I imagine actors must thoroughly research and understand the pressures on their character in order to play the role as authentically as possible, so too must others not underestimate just how much they have to imagine in order to simply make a good guess as to another's thoughts, feelings, possible reaction. When I imagine this process, I literally have to stop moving, close my eyes and focus entirely on how things would be from another's point of view.

This means my general view of them, the history I know and how I feel it would affect my decisions and priorities, what that persons goals might be, social relations, tendencies, stature and how that body would feel like, where its balance is, and what seems to be most important is how I would appear and be interpreted by that person. This means visualizing myself conversing or simply being there. How would I react to myself? How would THEY react to me? How do I even behave? At the end, all I have is a guess. After all of that work, depending on how well I know the person, I have to resign myself to simply have an educated guess to guide my future actions. Perhaps it is I who is the ignorant one and flawed in my ability to understand a basic Cooley Looking Glass Self in operation but it seems to me that most do not go this far. They skip and just get to the guessing without trying as hard as they can to mentally develop a realistic scenario.

Fall leaves and bouncy balls

Sitting in the library on a warm sunday afternoon surrounded by colors once more I feel as if I should make another small contribution. I believe that in this next week or so I will be doing a better job at updating things, particularly the drafts I started last year that were inspired after a few late night talks with Tracy. I'm still not sure exactly how much I should be adding to this blog. I recognize that it generally helps to write things down for contemplation later.
Nothing is small.

My original goal was to try and match, if not increase the number of posts from the last year, but I fear that with an increase in work, and a decrease in my /need/ to write it is becoming harder to remember how useful it is to just spit word shapes onto a screen.

At the moment green seaweed, black backdrop, white redorange baubles.
The otherday I spent alot of time listening to courage wolf. I have to say that it's quite empowering. Just the simple concept.
Just got and achieve something. Do whatever it takes, cast of opposition like petty droplets of rain desperately clinging to your coat. Not just achieve but go out and and ruthlessly destroy anything that could stop you. If you are defeated, WALK IT OFF.

I've also discovered somewhat the positive aspects of actually trusting people to make things wok our. Where I may have once just thought about all available information to overkill and then continue until I found a downward spiral of logic, it has saved considerable stress by just removing myself from the immediate metas and just letting people be people whom I will respond appropriately with. And if there is ever anything to be sure of, it is that people are very good at responding. They have to know what is going on of course, levels of perception are different after all. For instance I have no idea what sort of minor facial expressions I have made over the course of writing this post. However, I bet there's someone who may be very tuned into how their face moves. Some people are unable to report or comment on their emotions simply because they aren't tuned into that awareness level or minute detail. Even if they COULD there is no guarantee if they can accurately share their subjective experiences. Things get muddled. Things get stupid.

Don't ever underestimate your influence on others. Don't ever become over confident of your influence on others.

I have recently been putting a lot of thought towards this idea of mine I'm calling social gravity. Similar to relativity, if a planet's gravity warps the fabric of space time, what if individuals also have this sort of social gravity able to warp situations simply by being there. I have never thought of myself as being the origin point for this gravitational pull as, from my perspective, I generally don't offer all that much in social situations. I will either be talkative but not exactly essential to the conversations, more like added side-ins, or I draw myself in and observe silently. This year I have been noticing more and more how people, at least when around me, have started to pick up my mannerisms. Most of the entire Japanese house has taken up randomly beat boxing, or changing their voices when recounting a story dependent on the character speaking. To me these things are characteristic of someone is particularly charismatic which does not fit my own view of myself. I can't express how strange it is to think of myself as having an influence on people the same way I perceive others having an influence on myself.

I climbed a tree the other day and had a good talk with myself for about an hour. There is just something about getting up high above the modernity of my dailyhood and just sitting amongst some sturdy branches. The nostalgic smell of red maple and pigeons skimming my head in the late afternoon. Everything becomes still and simple. Complications like mosquitos only follow you up about thirty feet. Climb for escape, climb for perspective, climb for rhythm, climb for forward movement, climb for peace of mind and understanding.

Learn, be

Adapt

Listen

Make Flow.

Youth

Strategic Consciousness and Random Remember

Lately, in the past few days I have found that a brief 3 hour nap in the late afternoon allows for one to stay up and work very deeply into the night. This.. knowing when and not to be conscious, to be aware, poses a few questions.
By this method, it would seem that doing things later is in the better idea. Spending the day getting out all the distractions and reddit updates and then sleeping into work mode. This seems contrary to what was a growing rhythm.
Get it done now.
Action.
No waiting, only the present.
This clicks into a phenomenon that occurs when absorbing becomes self aware that it may, in fact, be hindering either an experience, or is unnecessary. A reboot is in order to clear all the search engines, connectors, remembering, and color empathy before taking things and responding on first impulse. It seems though, that this too has a monitor in order to terminate thoughts that reach second or third generation turn over to ensure spontaneous responses to stimuli and react through improve or intuition. But even these are, in some way, analytical. Finding timing and cues but just quieter, softer..

The Present is twisty and linear all at once. Absorbing all of it at once yields awareness and understanding, cogs turning, marvelous happenstance that the world has, at this location, with whatever history has happened, is unraveling this specific way right here right now. The stories that have such different origin's all coming to a head at a specific instant in time never to be quite as unique.
"People are good at talking, but not so much at listening." -Katie D.

Learning how to teach people how to listen is difficult if they are not used to it. I feel as if my moments where I know how to communicate what I say are random and beautiful when they happen. I can sense what I want to tell them, but if they are new to listening, then they won't pick out the important parts right way and often miss the perspective I want to weave. Or their ability to role play is limited by what information I give them and the way in which I present it. In order to teach others how to listen to me, I will have to learn how to become a better speaker. Those whom have a history will know the serious from the not, what I will pay attention to, and maybe have a 30% idea why.

I can't tell if others feel the gravity of things in the same way I perceive them. Especially struggle in inanimate, or organic materials. Their will and purpose they must strive to fulfill, if that couch is happy to be placed where it is, if a salt shaker gets lonely, or the insatiable garbage cans, laughing at how it tricks us into throwing it perfectly good food. Prompted from watching alot of anime where recently many characters across different series all express the same wants. 1) to be helpful to someone else, especially if they are a loved one, and 2) The ability to overcome any terrible tragedy through reception of a kind word from said cared one, or a special sea shell just for them. This insane drive to act in any way necessary to hold a promise.
This is really inspiring, and I can't tell if this is something just not found in our culture, if it has been forgotten, or only exists due to the over exaggeration of feelings and emotions often found in the anime medium.
Nothing is small.
To all the characters, and increasingly describing my perception of conversation, "Nothing is small."
It is not possible to perform an action, a spoken word, a twitch, a facial expression, and not have it mean something. Everything has a meaning.
I wonder how many others talk to those whom they peg as being "realistic" in order to discover, or reaffirm themselves that they are not insane, or at least not that much.

A Lesson in Mobility

I am sometimes very curious and very interested in my ability to move my body from one location to the next. I just... get up and enter a new world. I can do that if I want to. I can go anywhere as long as I have either practiced running enough to get there, or climbing enough to get to another branch or hold.
Today I hovered my torso over to the Japanese House to make some food and then eat it in the Sun. It helped remind me. I can just do things I don't know how to do without preparing. I can screw up making sushi and it will be ok. As long as I remain concentrated of self, I can move. I can commit to an action and then present it to those around me.

As I've said many times before now I'm sure, "I think I can finally start being confident in my motions and do what I intend to". This idea is still lacking I feel in the ability to bring it to action rather than mentally accepted. This second semester has done quite a bit in terms of ability to swim better and learn the flow.
Things that too often are forgotten I feel:
-"This world, I think we like it"-Makoto Shinkai
-Teaching others to learn to listen. They want to, but sometimes we forget.
-I am a capable human being. I can do anything I want to, and achieve whatever goal I have. Nothing is too high, nothing is unreasonable if one tries hard enough to reach it.
-Patience
-People are orbs of light. Their bodies the way I interact with them, their minds in how I know them.
-No live with out growth, no growth without change, no change without death.

Psychology

One part being forced into a decision by time of meetings and wants, I think I have discovered a more real reason for studying psychology. It is a little interesting that psycho-analyzing things, especially relationships has such a negative stigma. A robot like scientist objectively observing something that can't just be simplified into words and then trying to interpret from such a removed stance. The reason this is interesting is because this is the exact oposite reason for finally deciding to Psych major. After flip flopping for a while I was able to word reasons a little better. I want to be able to understand people. I want to be able to be such an interpreter of their complete person (words, movements, choices) that I can connect with them on an even deeper subjective level. At first I thought it was just to figure out why people were stupid at understanding perspectives. How could people see the same thing and get so many ridiculous stances and beliefs from just a simple recall of a common memory? That seemed dumb, and dangerous. If one wants to even argue what it is to be human, then I would give a strong fight for the capacity to think cognitively. If you can understand someone else's mind, then you have broken through so many barriers. There is nothing else more special to any individual than their own consciousness. The ability to just have a better idea as to how to it... that makes for something that to me seems very not removed from the situation. That seems more to me the ability to actually know the core of another human being. Psychology is not the de-mystification of the mind, transforming people into automatons who control surprisingly little, but in fact another class in understanding. I would love to have the time to take more classes here to further this lofty goal, but for the now I'll have to be content.

I just want to know people better. if they would make it easier then i wouldn't have to study them and i could be taking art classes or philosophy, or science

-Me

Snow in Spring

Walks late at night in a semi warm Portland, good food, co-incidence,

This is another book that I need to reread at a later date and immerse myself in. Despite being in the West, it clearly and vividly reminded me of the Midwest and my home. What I am and what Wisconsin is, and how that carries back to me. My childhood and my identity were momentarily refreshed. Long snowed in days where in a particular drift you make a store for people to admire your different and unique icicles. where you stay out on a dark hill by the barn that is only illuminated by a far off blue of the mysterious Night Light that just comes on whenever it is dark. How that lonely light skips and reflects off of frail clumps falling from the sky. Arms outstretched, clothed in thick bundles standing triumphantly on your creation only to run back up the hill breatheless and tube down again on a track that is finally smooth enough for speed.

I remember.

I remember everything.

Tie together

Make this
Fit to this

"You have exactly enough time, starting now"
-Matt

Elfen Lied

Lately I've been poking along, getting things through in an old and familiar manner. I've done better job at organizing my things around me to remind myself of life and good things. Lately pandora has been very helpful, playing songs that have been matched perfectly to what I need. Over the last weekend I got caught up in looking for some more anime to watch having been reunited with Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood. The Elric brothers have done a lot for me in the past, and look like they will continue to. However, I searched and found Elfen Lied thanks to Ryan Will. Much like Ergo Proxy that was also lent, this story was very original. It has it's own color that I associate with it after finishing the closed manga. Despite how graphic the anime and manga are, I think that it is necessary. At the moment I am still unwrapping things and unsure how to say words so I will have to come back here later and tell them again. Connectiveness with these characters was possible, and despite any initial annoyances, the series is very well done. Very dark with shades of comedy, and a discussion of belonging, and what it means to be human. I wish they had waited for the manga to finish so that they could have done the whole thing.

I need to learn how to draw.

Below is a small exert of several episodes in a music video that properly portrays the feel of the anime.

Amber, 45 degree upper left crimson clouds perspective

Thanks Tracy
music
Social Psychology has been very reassuring that I am pursuing something that is of great interest. Reading is not a chore, and I may soon just go ahead and finish the book. This is the psychology I am interested in and most familiar with. This is a class that I feel I must do well at and cannot fail. Productivity has stalled over the last week, but it is making a return. Refresh, reboot, step forward. I watched a few episodes of Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood again this weekend. After taking breaks in between watching large amounts of the show I am always hit with a very heavy, very real realization. Ed and Al never, NEVER stop trying. They never stop moving forward. They have a goal, and they not only strive for this with everything they have, but they do not lose their own identities through their fight. They have seen people killed, murdered, tortured, sacrificed. They have only each other, and have barely any friends who they can speak to about their past, or uncovered secrets. A particular scene that sticks with me is in the original series in which they come to Tuckers house to prepare for their State Alchemy Exam. Al is admiring the books and exclaims at how many there are and how cool it'll be to read them all. As he waits for Ed's response, he looks down and sees his older brother already half way through a book reading furiously.
"He's already started." Al jokes.

No hesitation. Always motion. Always learning, and the courage to confront the many obstacles that threaten to kill them.

At the least I am realizing these things and can try to keep up with them.

The other notice-ment is that of the dangers of mulling. I am good at it. I have much practice. I can understand things very well. However, that which is being understood must have been an actual event, which actual facts, and actual intents. Substitute intents only work so far, and usually for the wrong conclusion. "If we stop worrying, and fighting about time, I think we'll find that it's really on our side."-Scrubs episode. I want this to be true. I want to be able to stop thinking about right moments, situations, and how to time words. I need to work on teaching others how to listen and understanding that they already know how to.

Color of a Rhythm

Late is the Preemptive

At this late (early) hour while eating M&M's and milk, I am beginning to understand more. Not so much something new but a feeling that had color before but is only now becoming something more accessible. The person that I am and that which I would like to become are ideas that seem to be coming into view more and more. For there to be a future, there must be a present action to get there. These decisions must be made carefully, and if they must spontaneously. While there is danger at perpetuating a "prepare" mode, I do not yet think that this is something of worry. It is a now familiar rhythm that comes and goes. I have been at the least, more aware of it in the last year of Great Calm. We do what we do at the moment because in that moment we believe it to be the right thing, the action in order to gain the best future, or the preferred future event. Even if that means simply to continue a routine, or create something new and dangerously exciting is trivial. There is a flow there is a purpose there is a meaning to this rhythm. I do not think that I will be disappointed if I follow it. After watching many episodes of Full Metal Alchemist again. There is a drive, and reminder to have purpose. Ideals are not to be taken lightly, and neither is a commitment to resolve.

There are too many things I have yet to read, yet to see, yet to learn, yet to practice. The knowledge of this is there but still... it has not been thrust into with devotion. I feel that it is possible to do this and still only add to the self without forgetting the oil. I need to fully try and commit to something. I have certainly tried very hard at various skills and various practices, but not fully. Not with everything. Only a glancing attempt, less than full. I need to understand the world so that I can work and live within it. I need to stretch my bounds so that I can confidently be confident. If I don't, what security do I actually have in myself?

There is an ideal.

It understands, and it is silhouetted in my mind. Failure to obtain or reach this state of being may have recurring effects that will last longer than what may be projected. I must advance, must move. I need to first be able to trust in myself and ensure that I can carry out simple tasks. Once past, then the work will begin.
"Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalent exchange."
-Full Metal Alchemist
It is high time I begin exchanging and work to learn.

Recede into the swell

Time management aside, today I am moving and getting things done. The right color and beat are back on and I am confident I can do things as long as they are with me. Still being a little bit uncomfortable, but I am not too worried. Things will work out how they work out. I need to remember not to stress about things I can't control. Along with feeling like I'm getting things done, by my doing this post it should be obvious exactly how well I'm using my time here. I still needing to remind myself that the minds of those around me have the potential to kill. I am fairing quite well so far, and can at least talk in many different languages when the need arises, but there is yet to be any universal connector. I will have to keep a list that can figure out scheduling for winter break. I need to be able to do everything, or at the least get a large amount done. I must be aware.
earlier today I reminded myself that one must not over estimate their influences that they assume they are the main reason and factor in another's actions. That being said, one must also never underestimate their influences. A tree is only hard to move once you try to push it.

On Ice

Eerily right on.

From the Well..

There is only so much one can do. There is a difference between reality and mental cognition of perception and recalling of details. I hope I can remember that.

Forgetting

"Writing Kanji is all about forgetting. You struggle and forget a kanji and then you have to look it up and write it down. Then later you forget it again and again but each time you forget it you are a little quicker to remember it."

-Professor Akira Takemoto