Just a Thought

How does one correctly go about being selfish?

Further more, it was good to find this.

Awaken from Hibernation

It has been far, far too long since I have written anything down here. This follows for anything else that I have meant to keep a semblance of routine updates in. PWS, writing in journals, taking pictures, drawing, etc. It's been so long since I've taken the time to really, personally take a good look at the things around me and gleam anything meaningful from them. For the moment I feel this is because I have been lulled into a legitimate sense of security.
Nothing is wrong here. There are good friends, good work, good professors, good weather and activities, good books, great house/housemates...There is almost nothing missing. Years ago I may have felt a small drive to continue to pull back and consequently review and predict everything for hope of a different interpretation, or even just another perspective. I believe that for the moment, I am just calm. I don't feel like I need to look into everything. If it bothers me enough, or seems important, than yes, surely I'll look into and try to understand a speech pattern or watch how a duck walks, but for the moment. I don't think I really /want/ to find another interpretation.
This is great.
This is where I want to be.
This is where I LIKE being.

Rolling

This picture brings back memories. Mainly of the sandwich. I wish it cost half as much so that I could have bought two. At the moment I feel inclined to remember good food or creations. If only it didn't make me broke.


(bacon/spagetti)


A delicious scrambled eggs with potato bits and grape jam that needed to be used with a side of cherry something that was great.

Reality pt. 2

Which begs the question. Which am I more preoccupied with, the idea of the thing, or actually accomplishing it and advancing to get there?

In how many areas of my life is this really pertinent in?

Great Pictures

Amazing

Geometry pt. II

I am coming to the conclusion that Portland is about the closest to a geographical mind reboot as anything. Every time I am here I can just feel layers sliding off, or changing the way they were arranged. Time holds still, but mostly is the same behind the curtain. Things make sense in Portland despite strange weather, and stranger road systems. I'm not quite sure how to put it, but this place is healthy. Like all the moss that covers everything. I think that fits. A Mossy-ness. The sun is setting on this particular puzzle despite it is still left uncompleted. There will be time to revisit it, but for now, I will place it in its own particular box of which I have collected many and should have one that will fit perfectly. There still is much to do, and having to figure out this and other puzzles on the side is not going to help find the rhythm. Soak back into black, lean against orange, let light blue be the guide through the woods.
(Dear future Sam, Draw this for understanding)

How to Measure Time

I have finally gotten around to getting "The Little Prince" into my possession again. After reading other Dr. Seues books and eating a few grapes I was very glad to sit and remember. I'll have to go back and read "The Rainbow Scale" as I remember my guidance counselor reading it to me in kindergarten. I have also managed to get back into the habit of carrying around a camera around more often. The landscape has yet to be exactly picturable.
I think this semester I feel slippery. A few things grab me as I chance by, but by and large there is just too much oil and they don't stick, or don't find just the right hand hold. Perhaps it is my own hands that are too slick, or that I don't know what holds I can use. The thought is maybe even so maleable, so... not concrete that maybe without definition it simply lacks to be.

There is exactly enough time.

Sitting in an unkept lawn, feeling the long blades of grass, like hair wrapped along my fingers.
Softening my core.
Rays of life scream down from their lonely adventure, warming my skin.
Breathe in infinity and exhale uncertainty.
geometry and colors, rivers and trees.
A single droplet perfectly suspended in slow free fall.
No action without reaction, no movement without cause.
Radiating power. Secure. Warm. Tender. Safe.
Cloud whisping along, who are you really?

Rotation and slow Free Fall

"A Square my Lord. Shall he nestle it into the bosom of the L block, or perhaps .. leave it room to grow"
-College Humor
More music for purpose and perspective

Empty Nest

Oddly enough my entire section now are living in singles. Either with people gone, or with activities, B sec is effectively empty. This is a little nice because I actually feel like I have a little more control on my activities and can focus a little better without being prompted to do things other than my goals. I need to capitalize on these precious days of concentration so that later I will have time to more. So far I've started up an Anime reviewing blog that is a little bit of fun. So far I've got a few good things that I've been able to express but it is still a long way away from writing what I mean to say. I like to feel like I have some sort of authority in the subject and that the things I say might actually be right and agreeable. However, there is still a long way away from that. Pictures will have to start being taken again if I am to truly take advantage of the absence of people. I need to reconnect to my camera and tell stories again. Mushshi has definitely helped be remember the small things. That along with Place Promised in Our Early Days.

***
I am now in possession of The Anime Art of Hayao Miyazaki which is proving to be very useful in what I should know in order to make Pocket-Watch a better blog for actually knowing things. Having a single is pretty nice. I still haven't gotten everything organized, but I like to sprawl. Just sitting down at a desk for a small subject usually means I have to see everything I'm going to be using. Being able to do this a little more is nice. Being able to sit in my room and let my thoughts swirl around in a confined and safe space is very useful. If I was truly doing this I would start trying to cover the walls in japanese and more art that I should be getting around to. For now I will try to relax and recollect.

Squeal!

Chewy Bar

I've recently returned back to Whitman after being home for the first time in about six months. The break was much needed, but was not complete until I returned. With fresh memories, I now can better compare today to last week. I am so happy that I live here. I was unable to get to my room without first being hugged by everyone in the first two sections, my own, and then a mass section hug. There was too much care going on. These are the people whom I am going to live with for the next few years, and I am confident that I am in capable hands. Here I feel a more intense concentration of self, or at the least I am aware of it more. I am safe here, and I can live here.
I need to stay focused and keep going. I need to keep writing here if only to help fuel my momentum. As usual. Work needs to be done. Today is a great time to start.

Keep playing piano.

Keep moving.

Like the Alchemist who tried to make gold out of lead, I must first try.

Recede into the swell

Time management aside, today I am moving and getting things done. The right color and beat are back on and I am confident I can do things as long as they are with me. Still being a little bit uncomfortable, but I am not too worried. Things will work out how they work out. I need to remember not to stress about things I can't control. Along with feeling like I'm getting things done, by my doing this post it should be obvious exactly how well I'm using my time here. I still needing to remind myself that the minds of those around me have the potential to kill. I am fairing quite well so far, and can at least talk in many different languages when the need arises, but there is yet to be any universal connector. I will have to keep a list that can figure out scheduling for winter break. I need to be able to do everything, or at the least get a large amount done. I must be aware.
earlier today I reminded myself that one must not over estimate their influences that they assume they are the main reason and factor in another's actions. That being said, one must also never underestimate their influences. A tree is only hard to move once you try to push it.

Hello Present

The world around me is finally feeling like a concrete area in which I live. This may sound just a mite hard to understand, but I believe that I have taken large steps in definitely coaxing myself out of the perspective of reality with a thin veil covering everything. Many things have been swirling around, but at least I have stayed in the same place, and have not been bullied by the winds to change stances. I will try to add some pictures to this post later once I get my camera uploaded, or charged. At the moment I am living back at Reed for a night. It is a little relaxing to be back here. Probably the aesthetics, but still, just a different buzz of people than I am used to seeing at Whitman. Even in this small windy day nothing is actually pushing itself to insistently. There are tremors and reminders, but they are not the type that try hearts. Settling continues to occur. Motivation still needs work not surprisingly enough.

Comsumption of the Summer

I am currently making a mental note to start writing down more posts now that a few things have happened. I have gotten my laptop, watched a good anime series, and have started playing wow. ASP this year was, as usual, a good experience to have and was probably beneficial to mine self. Still going to have to wait before I get back into the swing of being able honestly assess anything that I may or may not bee writing down on these notes but at the very least I suppose I need to start somewhere. After much difficulty most of my things have been moved over to the new laptop, but a few thousand photos and documents still need to be put into their place. I think the theme about this summer is going to be friend management and the ratio that I can approve of spending with their different groups. Clarity to issues and time according to due dates are still up in the air and as usual. There is hoping to be a moment in time where we can work on a treehouse somewhere on the farm, but its reality has yet to be fully recognized. Anticipation is still high for Whitman and I cannot wait to get out there. I really hope that we will be smart and allow time to hang out with Tracy. Other than that, events have been mellow and containable.

Ca-chooga

Little to really note apart that Philosophy is done, math is still trying to put me into a tar pit, but finally Whitman sent out a course catalog. For some reason I have been able to read pretty easily through the first hundred pages of small font. If I plan things out right, then I should be able to get through college without having to take a large amount of math. Right now looking at Japanese, neurobiology, and psychology as things that I will probably be proficient in. This feels so much like an rpg's skill tree it's ridiculous. Problem though is that this skill tree is trying to be more of everything than the usual level up a ton one aspect. Oh, I should remind myself to get my college schedule up so that I can plan things with people long term.
House is still the bane of my left over time. Ever stealing away precious hours that I have already predetermined for another activity. It's getting far enough along that I can't say that this house won't look nice, but it is to the point where I'd rather just come back from college and have it be completed.
School is finished in about 2 more weeks. Still need to finish projects and tshrits. Reminds me that I need to finish making a Full Metal Alchemist shirt to the joy of many. Transmutation circles are a little hard to put onto shirts due to small-ity of lines.
I suppose I am content at the moment. A recent xkcd has reminded me that many other people can in fact exist and relate to many situations or states of mind. This is reassuring.
I need to start drawing. Hopefully children's book can be completed

Coming and Going

It is currently 630 am, but I feel moved to write something at the moment so I think that I will. Not having to worry about college related things any more has greatly decreased my stress levels down to about what things were like fall last year. I don't have to worry about grades too much, but that isn't taking root as much as I thought it would. I have decided that this second semester is going to be more productive that the first, so I am going to be reading more books and playing more video games hopefully.
There is a more dense and metallic feeling about this second turn. More singular. That being said Whitman can not come soon enough. I am almost ready mentally to feel the crushing sensation of learning. Philosophy classes at UW and psych at school, no matter how simplistic is a nice change of events that I can see will help me keep a good stream of consciousness. Trees of a familiar wood surround me, but their individual trunks are different from the normal. I am not particularly here or there, and at the same time I don't find myself too unsettled. I should learn how to find resources though if I expect to find my way back.


I hope this is not a deadly circle.
At least I have a rock.

Precedents

Working on this post has been troublesome. I had an idea that has slipped just before I started writing so I hope it comes back to me. Pictures have been helping I think.
...!

And with that I remember.

title: Speaker for the Dead.

True to its title, ironically prompted by a teacher who had other plans, I remembered how to like reading and thinking in a way I'm used to. With the opening possibilities of second, and last semester at Kohler, I believe that I can begin to start being better at completing, and doing. I can start reading again at the least. At least at the moment I'm tranquil with how things are, which is probably healthy. I have enough school work to keep me oriented, but not enough to keep me constricted. I still hate offices. I suppose there is more of a settling feeling. But at the same time the idea of colored ribbons, and ancient ruins push themselves forth. At the least, I can camp and stay put, so I will try to. I feel as if my hands are steady enough at the moment that maybe I could take some of those first steps. Paying attention while remembering the spoonful of oil I hold.

The dual reason for this post is to keep me in practice. I have become lax. And my mental powers are paying the price. I must stay sharp. I must stay prepared, and I must adapt to survive, and survive to adapt. I need to remember the reconnectedness I felt not so long ago and grab onto it fully. The Speaker of the Dead reminded me of this. I know it is true because he said it. Maybe I just want it to be true. I still wish that there was a way to at least see things for what they are. I think I am very bad at this. When people speak, I wish instead of hearing their words, I could just understand. I don't care what they say. I want to understand what they mean, and in turn, that they know what I mean.

Long time coming

It's been a long time since I've written much of anything. I've been so preoccupied with filling my time with either things I think I should be doing, or purposely knowing that nothing will come out of the time I put in. The later of these is probably the more often used unfortunately. I don't think that I'm following the path I had worked to set myself up for after Madison. Things were so much more simpler then. None of this death college things to get in. Music is again helping. Good for motivation and relativity. Sociology is being stupid. Philosophy next year should prove better. I need to continue to do better if I even want to think about colleges. I would rank myself as maybe mediocre at this point.

-10/23

Still mediocre. Still not super. Still not showing signs of cognitive movement. Piano playing would be nice. This kohler house is not advantageous for deciding to do work.. not enough open spaces or private creeks in the woods. I can feel a sort of bubble shield beginning. I am slipping back into a malnourishing act of procrastination.
I am also not writing enough so that I can't even tell where I've been.
note to self. Matt is stupid.

Coming to

School has finally caught up and trapped me in its clutches once again. As could be expected our amazing faculty have been demonstrating a now common lack luster job at understanding just what exactly happens in their tiny tiny school of which, it is their only job. The kohler house is still working out pretty well and has been a useful home base. While patterns of scheduling have yet to be noticed and taken advantage of, this year is definitely not without promise of being amazing. Our current physics class exemplifies this. There is not a possibility of even having a bad lab group...just one that isn't as exciting as others. I think in kohler it is easier for me to do homework merely because there seems to be the weight and ever vigilant gaze of the 'kohler ideals' that seem to increase the closer you are to the school. Maybe this is what it is like to live in a town... On the farm I have noticed considerably just how easy it is to do what I want, or think I should be doing be it reading, or doing video games, or working out. It will be interesting to see how things go from here.