More and more these posts are becoming absolutely necessary for me to stop and look back on. They act as a sort of digital landmark that and I can reorient myself too and figure out what direction to strike off on. So, let's get down to the messy: A Year of Building.
I'm living in China right now. The largest northern city of Harbin located in geographic Siberia. It has been pretty cold so far, but it is going to get down to -30~-40F sometime near late January and February. Just like with Japan, I put myself here and am doing quite well. I'm working as an English training teacher where I teach English to kids after they've already had school. This means that they are sometimes super excited to be not in China schools, but more likely they are not motivated and don't want to be there. I've had to put a hold on literally building anything which is a shame, but I haven't quite abandoned the idea. I graduated college with not the best grades, but I'm still out and I found a job. I'm able to save some money, and have extremely low expenses when I manage to do my own thing.
So, last time it was fun to see a list of what I've accomplished. Somhow I always forget that spring counts as part of the new year. Looking back, i've: passed writtens, passed orals, graduated college, got an A on my thesis, landed a job, traveled to China, began travel around Suzhou and Shanghai, develop understanding about scheduling and work ethic, continue to learn how to interact with people, starting to learn Mandarin, I've upgraded my computer and reconnected with Batman, I worked as a psych intern, and as a museum person for Hara sensei. Most recently, I'm been able to have at least a few mini conversations with people, and am continuing to expand my ability to listen and talk. I've kept a draw 1 hour a day for over 100 days, and started a productivity blog that some people read, started a dreambucket list. Finally, last month I paid off all my student loans. Feels good, man.
Oh yeah, learned to juggle
One of the bigger things that has jump started was reading the 4hr work week. I had many similar ideas, but he clarified them and put them into words that made more sense. Rewatching Batman, and now with the new computer PLAYING Batman Arkham series has really made things click a lot more. December hasn't been a productive month, largely because of it depending on which way you look at it. I've been able to read more books than I thought I'd be able with my new job, and all of this is helping me progress. Another big realization was how fast I can get things done once I know what the end goal is. Apart from a reading issue that caused me to be 3 weeks in the dark about my China future, I moved from one country to another cold in a little less than a month. That still seems like a long time, but since this was for a job rather than a visit, more things were needed. That's pretty cool. People along the way kept helping me out and gave me better treatment/service because I was doing something cool. I think people just like to vicariously live through other's coolness and kind of feel its warmth as it passes by. With that, I've moved from wanting to be LIKE Batman, to realizing I could BE Batman. I'm currently living Bruce's training years, and I've already made some headway down his skillset. I know I'll never be able to have all of Batman's skills or abilities, but at the moment that idea is very tantalizing to me. All of this has combined into trying to give me more confidence in my own abilities, and understanding that persistence with your work and determination are really some of the most valuable character traits one can have. If instead of 30 min, you can work at something for 3 hours a day, you are flying.
So that's what we've got. Making headway, damn good headway too, and it won't be long before I really find something to dig in to. The first step, as it always has been, is to first dig deep into my own actions and behavior. I've definitely gotten better than last year at tracking and getting myself to learn things thanks to art stuffs. I want to be able to draw. I want to have the ability to buckle down and get shit done when it's needed to. Right now, that is still a failing. The routine needs tweaking. The later half of this year has been spent really understanding that you get good at what you do. What you do depends on the routine you set up. These last two years I feel like I've just been coiling up, getting set on my start blocks. With my Golden birthday coming up, and the second half of my first job rolling up, let's explode off. Get the routine, and I will MAKE the Batman, and see where I land.
End: A Year of Building.
Begin: The Take-Off
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Gaining Direction
Since it has been forever and a half since I've said something else, I suppose I'll just jump in.
This last year has been an interesting one in contemplating how one "finds" a passion. One of the problems that has always presented itself to me is that it really isn't that easy. Some have problems just getting excited about anything, or being motivated to do any one thing for a period a time, but none of these problems accurately describe my own. My problem has been that I find SO MANY things interesting enough that I can, and have, thrown entire days and weeks at a time at any one thing. Not so much a problem, but something that complicates the issue is that it seems that if I do throw that kind of time at something, I do pretty well. It doesn't take long for me to go from complete novice to something resembling decent. This hasn't helped in paring down my potential options.
One one hand, I think it would be really cool to build my tiny house idea, learn all the electriciany things, hook up some solar panels, and then make a hydroponics garden I could very easily just start making plans for people and figuring out how to sneak plants into people's homes. On several completely other hands, I could look into video game psychology, and even within that, I could try to design levels, characters, draw, test, research, try to learn to code....pretend I know how to tell a story, I could go and write/illustrate that book that Tracy and I need to write, I could try to beef up my Japanese and somehow combine ALL of that into something.. Just so many things that I could start getting into, and make it seem like they want to be done now.
But at the least, there are some things on the horizon that are catching my attention and making a plan happen. I need to keep drawing, but lately there have been game psychology openings among developers, and and I have a list of skills that they seem to require. There was also an internship open for the Tumbleweed House Company. I'm applying to that in the very near future. All of these are giving me a better idea of what skills I want to have so that I can talk about them. I need to get on C++, I think that unless there is a big opportunity for me out here on the west, that it wouldn't be a bad idea for me to go home, build my house, build my computer and just start cramming on code, game design, and statistics and art. Maybe some ABA stuff too. But there is a plan, and that's more than what I had a while ago.
I still feel pulled in a lot of directions at once, and I still can't believe I know enough of any for someone to pay me any kind of livable wage. It just doesn't make sense to me why someone would hire me out of college with no experience. Perhaps it's just my perspective, but I can't believe I'm at a point in my life where I can pretend to justify someone paying me thousands of dollars to complete a given task. Maybe I just have no faith in employers, maybe I just simply don't have skills, but the idea that someone would agree to pay me even 20-30k is pretty ridiculous. I'm still in the mind set where I don't know how to make an argument for any more of a salary than that without just dropping off and spending 3 years getting better at one skill, or by getting graduate degrees.
I suppose we'll just have to see where things go.. I suppose it may take quite a while. I keep managing to surround myself with people who are excited and have confidence in me, but at the moment, I can't help but feel stupendously average at the tasks I'm completing. Hopefully, if I keep poking away at things I might work to be almost above average at something.
This last year has been an interesting one in contemplating how one "finds" a passion. One of the problems that has always presented itself to me is that it really isn't that easy. Some have problems just getting excited about anything, or being motivated to do any one thing for a period a time, but none of these problems accurately describe my own. My problem has been that I find SO MANY things interesting enough that I can, and have, thrown entire days and weeks at a time at any one thing. Not so much a problem, but something that complicates the issue is that it seems that if I do throw that kind of time at something, I do pretty well. It doesn't take long for me to go from complete novice to something resembling decent. This hasn't helped in paring down my potential options.
One one hand, I think it would be really cool to build my tiny house idea, learn all the electriciany things, hook up some solar panels, and then make a hydroponics garden I could very easily just start making plans for people and figuring out how to sneak plants into people's homes. On several completely other hands, I could look into video game psychology, and even within that, I could try to design levels, characters, draw, test, research, try to learn to code....pretend I know how to tell a story, I could go and write/illustrate that book that Tracy and I need to write, I could try to beef up my Japanese and somehow combine ALL of that into something.. Just so many things that I could start getting into, and make it seem like they want to be done now.
But at the least, there are some things on the horizon that are catching my attention and making a plan happen. I need to keep drawing, but lately there have been game psychology openings among developers, and and I have a list of skills that they seem to require. There was also an internship open for the Tumbleweed House Company. I'm applying to that in the very near future. All of these are giving me a better idea of what skills I want to have so that I can talk about them. I need to get on C++, I think that unless there is a big opportunity for me out here on the west, that it wouldn't be a bad idea for me to go home, build my house, build my computer and just start cramming on code, game design, and statistics and art. Maybe some ABA stuff too. But there is a plan, and that's more than what I had a while ago.
I still feel pulled in a lot of directions at once, and I still can't believe I know enough of any for someone to pay me any kind of livable wage. It just doesn't make sense to me why someone would hire me out of college with no experience. Perhaps it's just my perspective, but I can't believe I'm at a point in my life where I can pretend to justify someone paying me thousands of dollars to complete a given task. Maybe I just have no faith in employers, maybe I just simply don't have skills, but the idea that someone would agree to pay me even 20-30k is pretty ridiculous. I'm still in the mind set where I don't know how to make an argument for any more of a salary than that without just dropping off and spending 3 years getting better at one skill, or by getting graduate degrees.
I suppose we'll just have to see where things go.. I suppose it may take quite a while. I keep managing to surround myself with people who are excited and have confidence in me, but at the moment, I can't help but feel stupendously average at the tasks I'm completing. Hopefully, if I keep poking away at things I might work to be almost above average at something.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Emergence
I have barely used this blog at all this year. I also have not written much in my journal, or any of these things that I already have a record for not doing.
And yet. Here we are.
As I mentioned last year, I think I actually am accomplishing more than I am giving myself credit for. From last year, I completed AKP, I got to see Noriko again and visit Ghibli. I traveled all around Japan, and traveled well. I learned a little more about just asking people for things, information, or favors. Grandma died, and I am still working through that when the topic is broached. I got home, and I got an A in my biology course. I got to see Alex again, and launched into school. After a 37 hour car trip, Karen Tracy and I got to Whitman and the rest is history.Spencer and I have been a delightful roommate pair and the house has been helping us both respectively figure our shit out.
I let Skyrim and Halo happen a little too much, as well as reddit.
Over the summer, while at Mari's cabin, I came into the better realization that the people who get ahead and do things, just keep working. I've even mentioned as much here on this blog, but I started internalizing it a little more. And I realized how simple that actually is. Most people are lazy, and don't apply themselves. Even if you just do 30 minutes a day, you're better off than so, so many others. And that brings me back to here. I'm glad I brought up batman last year. I needed to read that. I'm doing a good job at rounding out my skills and knowledge base. But it can be better. I need to start doing and building and working. I need my weekdays to be workdays, and my weekends to be for play. I need to forge myself before I charge ahead into this new life that awaits me after college. There is still a rough and tough battle between there and now. I am able, I just hope I prepare properly. The first challenge will be writtens. If I am worth my beans, I will start figuring that out. But I am tired of essays, tests, of academia. I need to be able to do my projects. I mean to take a gap year at home, and I want to build. I want to shut up and put my money where my mouth is. I've flippantly vomited my plans onto anyone who will listen. Let's get our tools. Let's get our plans, and let's build miracles.
End: A Year of Placement
Begin: A Year of Building
And yet. Here we are.
As I mentioned last year, I think I actually am accomplishing more than I am giving myself credit for. From last year, I completed AKP, I got to see Noriko again and visit Ghibli. I traveled all around Japan, and traveled well. I learned a little more about just asking people for things, information, or favors. Grandma died, and I am still working through that when the topic is broached. I got home, and I got an A in my biology course. I got to see Alex again, and launched into school. After a 37 hour car trip, Karen Tracy and I got to Whitman and the rest is history.Spencer and I have been a delightful roommate pair and the house has been helping us both respectively figure our shit out.
I let Skyrim and Halo happen a little too much, as well as reddit.
Over the summer, while at Mari's cabin, I came into the better realization that the people who get ahead and do things, just keep working. I've even mentioned as much here on this blog, but I started internalizing it a little more. And I realized how simple that actually is. Most people are lazy, and don't apply themselves. Even if you just do 30 minutes a day, you're better off than so, so many others. And that brings me back to here. I'm glad I brought up batman last year. I needed to read that. I'm doing a good job at rounding out my skills and knowledge base. But it can be better. I need to start doing and building and working. I need my weekdays to be workdays, and my weekends to be for play. I need to forge myself before I charge ahead into this new life that awaits me after college. There is still a rough and tough battle between there and now. I am able, I just hope I prepare properly. The first challenge will be writtens. If I am worth my beans, I will start figuring that out. But I am tired of essays, tests, of academia. I need to be able to do my projects. I mean to take a gap year at home, and I want to build. I want to shut up and put my money where my mouth is. I've flippantly vomited my plans onto anyone who will listen. Let's get our tools. Let's get our plans, and let's build miracles.
End: A Year of Placement
Begin: A Year of Building
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