*Click*

This weekend was a much needed one. I just needed a break. for a while. I am feeling less bad still, and have again, come to important conclusions that I intend to keep. Even though my actions speak out against it, I feel as if I should be working more, or shift my view towards my work more. I need to remember what is important. There is a specific perception that I am viewing right now, it is not for the first time, and I don't know how to describe it other than a familiar feeling. It has a cool color, and sensation. There is something different than before, that is to be expected. In order to survive it will have to adapt itself to the environment and prevail. I fear that in my want to do things that are healthy, I am not doing things that are necessary. It is easy to justify taking an hour to play Mass Effect, or Halo 3 or play guitar or piano, or do something that I know will be calming, but how much calming is needed? Surely there is some point where one must stop this nonsense and emerge.
I have been thinking more about colleges lately. I still feel that Reed would be an adventure worth taking, but I don't know whether or not it is one that should be taken for my own mental safety. I fear being crushed into a fine dust as I realize I am outside my league, or due to my inability to speak what I mean, or even what I think in an understandable manner to others.
I feel as if I am in a moment where that primal instinct of survival tendencies is easier to listen to, much as if someone who has been yelling at you in the far distant has slowly walked their way over to you in order for conversation.
I plan on drawing a little more.. It is something I should continue to do.