"Shall I prepare the Batjet, sir?"

More and more these posts are becoming absolutely necessary for me to stop and look back on. They act as a sort of digital landmark that and I can reorient myself too and figure out what direction to strike off on. So, let's get down to the messy: A Year of Building.

I'm living in China right now. The largest northern city of Harbin located in geographic Siberia. It has been pretty cold so far, but it is going to get down to -30~-40F sometime near late January and February. Just like with Japan, I put myself here and am doing quite well. I'm working as an English training teacher where I teach English to kids after they've already had school. This means that they are sometimes super excited to be not in China schools, but more likely they are not motivated and don't want to be there. I've had to put a hold on literally building anything which is a shame, but I haven't quite abandoned the idea. I graduated college with not the best grades, but I'm still out and I found a job. I'm able to save some money, and have extremely low expenses when I manage to do my own thing.

So, last time it was fun to see a list of what I've accomplished. Somhow I always forget that spring counts as part of the new year. Looking back, i've: passed writtens, passed orals, graduated college, got an A on my thesis, landed a job, traveled to China, began travel around Suzhou and Shanghai, develop understanding about scheduling and work ethic, continue to learn how to interact with people, starting to learn Mandarin, I've upgraded my computer and reconnected with Batman, I worked as a psych intern, and as a museum person for Hara sensei. Most recently, I'm been able to have at least a few mini conversations with people, and am continuing to expand my ability to listen and talk. I've kept a draw 1 hour a day for over 100 days, and started a productivity blog that some people read, started a dreambucket list. Finally, last month I paid off all my student loans. Feels good, man.
Oh yeah, learned to juggle

One of the bigger things that has jump started was reading the 4hr work week. I had many similar ideas, but he clarified them and put them into words that made more sense. Rewatching Batman, and now with the new computer PLAYING Batman Arkham series has really made things click a lot more. December hasn't been a productive month, largely because of it depending on which way you look at it. I've been able to read more books than I thought I'd be able with my new job, and all of this is helping me progress. Another big realization was how fast I can get things done once I know what the end goal is. Apart from a reading issue that caused me to be 3 weeks in the dark about my China future, I moved from one country to another cold in a little less than a month. That still seems like a long time, but since this was for a job rather than a visit, more things were needed. That's pretty cool. People along the way kept helping me out and gave me better treatment/service because I was doing something cool. I think people just like to vicariously live through other's coolness and kind of feel its warmth as it passes by. With that, I've moved from wanting to be LIKE Batman, to realizing I could BE Batman. I'm currently living Bruce's training years, and I've already made some headway down his skillset. I know I'll never be able to have all of Batman's skills or abilities, but at the moment that idea is very tantalizing to me. All of this has combined into trying to give me more confidence in my own abilities, and understanding that persistence with your work and determination are really some of the most valuable character traits one can have. If instead of 30 min, you can work at something for 3 hours a day, you are flying.

So that's what we've got. Making headway, damn good headway too, and it won't be long before I really find something to dig in to. The first step, as it always has been, is to first dig deep into my own actions and behavior. I've definitely gotten better than last year at tracking and getting myself to learn things thanks to art stuffs. I want to be able to draw. I want to have the ability to buckle down and get shit done when it's needed to. Right now, that is still a failing. The routine needs tweaking. The later half of this year has been spent really understanding that you get good at what you do. What you do depends on the routine you set up. These last two years I feel like I've just been coiling up, getting set on my start blocks. With my Golden birthday coming up, and the second half of my first job rolling up, let's explode off. Get the routine, and I will MAKE the Batman, and see where I land.

End: A Year of Building.
Begin: The Take-Off

Emergence

I have barely used this blog at all this year. I also have not written much in my journal, or any of these things that I already have a record for not doing.

And yet. Here we are.

 As I mentioned last year, I think I actually am accomplishing more than I am giving myself credit for. From last year, I completed AKP, I got to see Noriko again and visit Ghibli. I traveled all around Japan, and traveled well. I learned a little more about just asking people for things, information, or favors. Grandma died, and I am still working through that when the topic is broached. I got home, and I got an A in my biology course. I got to see Alex again, and launched into school. After a 37 hour car trip, Karen Tracy and I got to Whitman and the rest is history.Spencer and I have been a delightful roommate pair and the house has been helping us both respectively figure our shit out.

I let Skyrim and Halo happen a little too much, as well as reddit.

Over the summer, while at Mari's cabin, I came into the better realization that the people who get ahead and do things, just keep working. I've even mentioned as much here on this blog, but I started internalizing it a little more. And I realized how simple that actually is. Most people are lazy, and don't apply themselves. Even if you just do 30 minutes a day, you're better off than so, so many others. And that brings me back to here. I'm glad I brought up batman last year. I needed to read that. I'm doing a good job at rounding out my skills and knowledge base. But it can be better. I need to start doing and building and working. I need my weekdays to be workdays, and my weekends to be for play. I need to forge myself before I charge ahead into this new life that awaits me after college. There is still a rough and tough battle between there and now. I am able, I just hope I prepare properly. The first challenge will be writtens. If I am worth my beans, I will start figuring that out. But I am tired of essays, tests, of academia. I need to be able to do my projects. I mean to take a gap year at home, and I want to build. I want to shut up and put my money where my mouth is. I've flippantly vomited my plans onto anyone who will listen. Let's get our tools. Let's get our plans, and let's build miracles.
End: A Year of Placement
Begin: A Year of Building

Lord Vader, Rise

(I apologize for quoting the false trilogy)

“Begin: a year of placement”

I am currently in Japan. I have placed myself here and am working on getting my mind around learning. This has been a very interesting year. It looks like I will continue to attend Whitman, Grandma pulled through, I got my AKP things in, had to talk it out with a few womens of upstanding class, hold some people together, worked on a psychology, achieved 10 mile running ability.
In terms of learning, I became aware of how to dress dapperly, move my money, question everything when I need to, dance, and even how to build my own computer.
Japanese is still pending.

It’s almost insane to actually think about how much I am able to get done when I look at the names of items, and yet, how utter lazy I feel other days, or take a look back on my day. I waste so, SO much time not getting my goals done. I still have yet to really try at Japanese, and that is something that must start sooner than later. I am making steps, but I am not there.

I think there is one very large thing that I am not giving enough credit to. I am actually consciously feeling like a responsible person. What I mean is that I feel like I am taking huge steps into the “adult” world and with the coming graduation of college, being well traveled and my own portable living space (Read: computer and sleeping bag) I will be ready to seek this job thing. I don’t have much actual direction for where I want to go, but I will c

I’ve been watching some of the batman beyond shows. Weird to realize that those are now ten years old and that when they came on I wasn’t even really a fan of them because I liked the original all the better. That’s weird to think. I even got really annoyed when I came across that project zeta cross over. That was such a dumb idea. Anyway, it’s made me realize that I need to clean up my act. That was the whole reason I got into college. I wanted to be like Batman. I wanted to strive for that mix of ability of a powerful will, a sharp mind, and the physicality to do whatever I put my mind to. Taking a moment to look back on recent weeks, I have strayed from that. I have been easy. I have let others do my thinking and deciding for me. That’s not what Batman does. Batman fights the hard fight. He sleuths, he gets educated, he works through pain and does not waiver. Crime fighter, successful, self motivated, well dressed, and skilled. I need to make better use of my time.

It’s time to stop taking the small steps of self-improvement. I’ve wadled long enough.
Let’s work. Let’s start studying, put our heads down, and start running. I’ve thought for a long time on what I what to be, and many ways to get there, but I feel I’ve always known the answer. It’s time to capitalize on that. I am a man of talents, and collector of stories. I will make my own. And it will be awesome.

Some of the things I will be working on this next year:
Japanese language skills
Political awareness
Dressing appropriately fashionable
Shaving like a gentleman
Fitness level up
Survival skills and knowledge
Computer components and how they work
Build a computer
Reading more by decreasing internet usage
Cooking like a cook
Become financial wizard
Thesis level up

Or, perhaps an even deeper third layer that is the same as the first.

I am working on getting a good photo assemblage for this post. Looking back over the last year has been interesting. All the things that happen even when I swear this last semester had very few things that actually had import to them. My camera and posts disagree slightly on this point. I often have trouble remembering that spring and the end of fall consist of the "last" year. Most notably I found another base and a better understanding of what my own personal motivations are. I still have a pretty good idea what I'm shooting for, and I know I can achieve what I'm trying to do. Just need to do it now. I would agree with last years conclusion that the house is doing a better job with communicating and not being a jerk to one another.

This last semester has been more of a struggle than it had to be in nearly every category. Particularly at the beginning and end when I wasn't sure if it was going to be my last semester at Whitman, or if people at home were doing ok, or if I was going to be able to get back home to see people. Perhaps most importantly I found someone to talk to and keep me together when I felt as if I would like nothing more than to squish myself into a corner and come apart. Having gotten through the worst time I've had in recent years now in the past, I can finally try and stand up again and keep moving.

This year I've tried and meddled that only spread too thin and lacked the agression of learning correctly or the traditions of thought and conduct. I understand I'll never quite live up to the standards I've set for myself, but I can certainly get close.

Remember the oil in the spoon, but take the time to pick your head up and see.

Destroy mountains, create wonders, draw slowly, and rest peacefully.
Close your eyes and feel. Carefully stretch your consciousness; wander and understand.

feel strongly,





live beautifully.
-Past Sam

Begin: a Year of Placement

Awaken from Hibernation

It has been far, far too long since I have written anything down here. This follows for anything else that I have meant to keep a semblance of routine updates in. PWS, writing in journals, taking pictures, drawing, etc. It's been so long since I've taken the time to really, personally take a good look at the things around me and gleam anything meaningful from them. For the moment I feel this is because I have been lulled into a legitimate sense of security.
Nothing is wrong here. There are good friends, good work, good professors, good weather and activities, good books, great house/housemates...There is almost nothing missing. Years ago I may have felt a small drive to continue to pull back and consequently review and predict everything for hope of a different interpretation, or even just another perspective. I believe that for the moment, I am just calm. I don't feel like I need to look into everything. If it bothers me enough, or seems important, than yes, surely I'll look into and try to understand a speech pattern or watch how a duck walks, but for the moment. I don't think I really /want/ to find another interpretation.
This is great.
This is where I want to be.
This is where I LIKE being.

Golden Gates and Frost Kingdom

The following year has been an interesting one to describe. More stable than most for sure, but still not devoid of its' own little quirks. Whitman was a huge part of this as well as finally getting out of high school. Despite I've now pretty much finished freshmen year, and do not like just how fast these days go by, I have done only a few of the things I originally set out to do. My writings are also a little more scattered. This may or may not a be a helpful sign. From the beginning of last year however, I would declare that while I may not be as colorful in my descriptions of self as I may at one time been, I most certainly can understand to a higher precision what I am feeling and why. Rooftop level thoughts are not quite so and are just as communicable as the rest of the house. This fall I had a lot of practice reviewing and applying for others which has helped reinforce my belief that I will be alright. I think I have been slowly actually putting trust in my self to not actively destroy things. I feel this is a little odd, but also a little empowering. There have been important realizations, or at least statements this year that will definitely be of use. The last year was one of Great attempted understanding. I will not be so bold yet as to say that I have achieved that, but this year is more certainly one of Great Calming. There has been an overall lack of stress all around, and I think I am better for it. I love my Whitman families and could not be happier at a college. I will continue to look toward growth, and will have to now begin to take actions to achieve goals. The next year hopefully will be one of the elusive action.

"Life is a forward motion"-Past Sam

On the Eve of Eve

Important to note:
Theme song



Spread color over your baren winter landscape through work of mind and life.

Gears

Thanks future Tracy.

Rainy June

Begin the Beginning so you can End the End

High school is finally done with. I never will have to sit in another Mrs. Bluel class, or listen to another power point from ms. RS. All that is left is to tie off the works so that I can get to organizing the true potential of this body and its mind. Hopefully this summer will be a time where I can work through this.

Realization is yet to sit in. Right now it is a blur of wanting to just sit and also of having to move to get ready for the next day. I expect I'll figure out I've graduated about sometime next winter. My display for grad. is not as splendid as others, but I will still try to do alright and find a way to do well. I just want to have my own schedule, and have it work. That's all I really want right now more than anything. For things to work the way I've planned them to go. It is a shame that this is most definitely something that will never be.

What I missed out on this year.

Halo, Soccer, Foods, dog-1, Sciencing, phat cat, Outside Sky-1, Monsters, Sky-2, Sky-3, Dog-2, Having good fun

Breathe

The Rebirth of the Beginning of the End

(winter playlist
swim
the resolution
17 seconds to anywhere)
Another year has past, and I am still not up to the task of actually fulfilling the plans I set down for myself. Looking back at a previous post, This is one aspect that has not in the least changed. I feel as if the ability that I've had in the past to say meaningful things to myself to help jump start thought an ingenuity have some what dimmed. Mostly because of lack of practice, and not clearing my head before I write these. I have not written enough down, and in turn, will forget too much that should not be. Whatever my rooftop level of thought is has very rarely been able to yell down to the rest of the world what it is, and it is often heard in a way that is unclear. Despite things being slightly disappointing in that regard, equilibrium has still been more than possible, and more great groups are beginning to come into being. Stability is not necessarily part of that, but it has also creeped into places where I'd like it or not. I wish there was a better way to make myself understand what is going on.
A man who holds a snow globe may be witness to a great spectacle and insight to a great city, but mourns that he does not know France, and the Eiffel tower trapped inside. They are not the same, but he is still so close, how much more would it take to let it slip, or to create a new reality?
A friend of mine told me to keep an eye on both the oil, and my surroundings. I believe myself to have been looking somewhere in between, not on one or the other. This has maybe been the least efficient way to do things, but at the least it has been monitored.
Wall-e has probably been the most useful thing I have paid attention to this entire year. There was so much truth and connections confined into a small little robot I can barely comprehend it. It made things real. While last year may have been one of Great Realization, This was one of Great Attempts at Internalizing those realizations. I just hope that understanding those internalizations doesn't take a whole year.

Return

SSI was really useful. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to summarize what I actually am certain I learned or didn't learn. I continued a trend of not living up to the potential I could have if I would use time efficiently and in a logical way. The great thing is now I actually have some research time, and a published paper.
...
Soccer has started and now there is a house in Kohler which is suiting well towards what I need to get done. Certain people are reacting in just the sharp manner that they have been for years which has allowed me to hate construction work and "organized" labor.
...
I am angry that this post was split up into parts, but I don't think there is a sufficient way for me to remember and write down everything important. Things just were.

..And the Horse You Rode In On.

i regret not having the time to force myself to buckle down and do more things that are me. of late, around this time of year i try to do things that are for other people, but i'm realizing that my personal identity must be preserved in not one, but multiple additions to this site if not only for the simple purpose to remind myself of things that have come to pass. the simple truth is this. i don't know. i have been stretched thin, and i worry there may be residual damage, or outside influences. yes, looking back, there have been definite influences. my goals are becoming clouded with the immediateness of now. i must relearn patience in order to over come this issue. tracy coming back for the winter has helped alot. i feel, as with other things, that i am squandering a great opportunity that will only be missed once it is gone. i've been given pages, and things to write into them with, but something stays my hand. be it laziness, or something else i don't know. i still believe that the continuation of my mental capabilities rely on these "routine" check ups and probing.

this year was different. riley warned me, and things happened. having bought the Halo 3 Soundtrack, and listening to it currently, i feel as if i should be doing something heroic and epic and lasting. like going into hand-to-hand combat with a field of darkly clad opponents. anyway, this year, i think the most obvious thing that has emerged was the "art pack". it is a little weird to be a considered a "regular" in a group of free forming individuals. the best way i can explain this year is an opening in a woods, filled with all sorts of dark blues, purples and greens, and yet, highlighted with brilliant yellow and pinks and reds. things are still weird, but the promise that lies ahead is enough to keep the too ridiculous worries at bay.
this year, people stepped up and did some awesome things. i still feel like i'm perceiving time like a slow shutter camera, days blurring into others, mechanically recording the incoming information, only open again to the next day. i need to make sure this stops.
this year, was one of great realizations.