Working Half-Awake

The last 24-36 hours have been a little interesting. Reminding me again that everything is different, but nothing has changed. Getting back into the flow of working despite being tripped a little was a little difficult but there are still railings that I can sieze should gravity or parasitic growth. I've managed to keep my eyes around me on the vast tapestries around me in order to remind me and remember how to move and flow.

Somehow Past Sam always knows what to say. If only someday Future Sam could drop a line.

Or, perhaps an even deeper third layer that is the same as the first.

I am working on getting a good photo assemblage for this post. Looking back over the last year has been interesting. All the things that happen even when I swear this last semester had very few things that actually had import to them. My camera and posts disagree slightly on this point. I often have trouble remembering that spring and the end of fall consist of the "last" year. Most notably I found another base and a better understanding of what my own personal motivations are. I still have a pretty good idea what I'm shooting for, and I know I can achieve what I'm trying to do. Just need to do it now. I would agree with last years conclusion that the house is doing a better job with communicating and not being a jerk to one another.

This last semester has been more of a struggle than it had to be in nearly every category. Particularly at the beginning and end when I wasn't sure if it was going to be my last semester at Whitman, or if people at home were doing ok, or if I was going to be able to get back home to see people. Perhaps most importantly I found someone to talk to and keep me together when I felt as if I would like nothing more than to squish myself into a corner and come apart. Having gotten through the worst time I've had in recent years now in the past, I can finally try and stand up again and keep moving.

This year I've tried and meddled that only spread too thin and lacked the agression of learning correctly or the traditions of thought and conduct. I understand I'll never quite live up to the standards I've set for myself, but I can certainly get close.

Remember the oil in the spoon, but take the time to pick your head up and see.

Destroy mountains, create wonders, draw slowly, and rest peacefully.
Close your eyes and feel. Carefully stretch your consciousness; wander and understand.

feel strongly,





live beautifully.
-Past Sam

Begin: a Year of Placement

Just a Thought

How does one correctly go about being selfish?

Further more, it was good to find this.

Snow in Spring

Walks late at night in a semi warm Portland, good food, co-incidence,

This is another book that I need to reread at a later date and immerse myself in. Despite being in the West, it clearly and vividly reminded me of the Midwest and my home. What I am and what Wisconsin is, and how that carries back to me. My childhood and my identity were momentarily refreshed. Long snowed in days where in a particular drift you make a store for people to admire your different and unique icicles. where you stay out on a dark hill by the barn that is only illuminated by a far off blue of the mysterious Night Light that just comes on whenever it is dark. How that lonely light skips and reflects off of frail clumps falling from the sky. Arms outstretched, clothed in thick bundles standing triumphantly on your creation only to run back up the hill breatheless and tube down again on a track that is finally smooth enough for speed.

I remember.

I remember everything.

Expansion on an explosive slow

Always a lack of action.

From the Well..

There is only so much one can do. There is a difference between reality and mental cognition of perception and recalling of details. I hope I can remember that.

Truth and Lies

"Until you know that a lie is a lie, then it is the truth. Learning how to discern the truth might be the right thing to do but it won't always make you happy."
"So, lies make us happy?"
"Yes, what a clever auto-rave."

-Ergo Proxy

A Controlled Spiral

Past week or so has been of particular interest. I am still suspicious of a particular weed that may still exist, but so far it has been either lurking, or has maybe finally be uprooted. I believe I have finally started getting into a good rythym of time. Always room for improvement, but at least I am doing more of the things that I want to do, and when to do them. Cycles have been hard to tie in at the moment. I feel as if they are there, but the colors don't quite match up. I feel aloof. Despite progress in activities, I can't really tell how passionately I pursuing things at the moment, or if I am merely doing things I think I should and going through them mechanically.
Portland was very useful. It helped remind and push forward life. At the very least, trails in the dark are being illuminated, and with any luck, there may be some more steady light.

Thankful

 

Gears

Thanks future Tracy.

Breathe

Pail of a Well

I've taken a few minutes out of this night to try and go over about a year ago. I was hoping to see traces of growth if I could either find solace or reason for being. I am thankful that at key points in my development I decided to sit down here and type things for me to read later. It hurts to remember, but it is probably better for the long run. The question of relative value is still viable and up in the air. I'm getting kicked off the computer presently, but pastly I would like to thank myself for hanging on long enough to tell me what was important.
The water gathered can only help the years harvest

Beware though, even plants can be drowned by that which is necessary.