Awaken from Hibernation

It has been far, far too long since I have written anything down here. This follows for anything else that I have meant to keep a semblance of routine updates in. PWS, writing in journals, taking pictures, drawing, etc. It's been so long since I've taken the time to really, personally take a good look at the things around me and gleam anything meaningful from them. For the moment I feel this is because I have been lulled into a legitimate sense of security.
Nothing is wrong here. There are good friends, good work, good professors, good weather and activities, good books, great house/housemates...There is almost nothing missing. Years ago I may have felt a small drive to continue to pull back and consequently review and predict everything for hope of a different interpretation, or even just another perspective. I believe that for the moment, I am just calm. I don't feel like I need to look into everything. If it bothers me enough, or seems important, than yes, surely I'll look into and try to understand a speech pattern or watch how a duck walks, but for the moment. I don't think I really /want/ to find another interpretation.
This is great.
This is where I want to be.
This is where I LIKE being.

Weekend Topics: Recontinued Remember pt:1

These are some things that I have been noticing, and have tried to narrow down exactly what it is that make people seem so different from me in terms of the way they think. On the base level I feel as if people should be able to come to the same word-form conclusion that I come to, but I feel as if the path to get there is very different, and in the end changes the importance, or how personal the realization is.
"Nothing is small"

Future planning.
People may try to plan for the future, but I do not see them do it in the same way that I do. To me it seems to be more of a conscious attempt at a potential action rather than a scheduled event. I will be participating in it, and i need to think about the realistic situation in which I will be experiencing. I need think about the way it is going to smell, how crowded a thing may or may not be, that point where you look out and see someone you recognize but don't know wether to wave at them or not. Or if you may get flustered momentarily by someone your trying to impress. These all need to be considered. Returning to an idea of preparation. I am not sure if I can name something that I don't have to mentally prepare myself for before doing it. There is always a sonar ping, some "if this happens, I will say this" stretching required before going out and running with it. It is almost because of this that, in accordance with a later description of Role-Playing that it is almost pointless to go to most events that only deviate slightly, or make it so much easier to rationalize not going somewhere. I can imagine the situation, the buzz, the atmosphere, the dimness of the lights, a packed room with too many people and bouncing ping pong balls. Who is there with me, the words they will say and cause me to say words, etc. It becomes thought of. After practically experiencing it in real life I then make a decision if that is indeed the future that I want to participate in. Is that the future I want to have as part of my experience?

This preparation has played a large part in deciding what kind of person I want to be, and who I have become. In order to deal with a predicted event, I should be able to do ______ thing. In order to have that ability, or knowledge, I should practice this new skill, or increase my knowledge about this. The only other route is to explore the future image long enough to discover what exactly I am looking for and how I should realistically expect to achieve it.

For Richard

I'm sorry I didn't get to know you more than just in Core and every now and then at rock climbing.

Sounds like you were a really amazing person. Thanks for sharing some of your life force with me. I'll try to use it for the better.

To anyone and everyone who has helped me so far to get to this amazing college, and everything else in life so far. Even to people that I don't know yet.
Thank you, I love you all.

From the Well..

There is only so much one can do. There is a difference between reality and mental cognition of perception and recalling of details. I hope I can remember that.

Gears

Thanks future Tracy.

Statements. Thoughts.

Dear Future Sam.
Not really sure how the state of anything is at the moment. Drifting back to third person. I don't know if this is acceptable or not anymore. I haven't really had time to focus in on one thing or the other, or outside factors. This in itself may be a problem. Momentum is still being felt, but it has yet to be directed toward one thing or another. It is spilling over into too many different things and is spread to thin. A large spoon is needed to contain such bursts in protective walls lest the town be flooded. Music is a large influence in tone of perception. Sitting on roofs is a good substitute for a tree. One should determine their utility and then play the role of the prospector and siv through until some rare treasure presents itself. In such an instance, it should be analyzed and put to use, but only when understood. White green whisps, and foreboding whirlpools of blues and purples, and rhythmic ripples. Piano is still a site of Truth. Don't forget about the leaves, their motion paused in the air, and their sorrowful decent until they lay peacefully defeaten on the grass. Pictures are healthy. Mouth words must hold with them the resolve of mind. Fluidity will come, and with that, the stream of knowledge, and tributaries of the past. Let the knowledge of others rain down and fill your empty stream beds.

Options

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

-Dali Lama





I need to remember not to lean too hard.

Surviving the Storm

Portable Colors.

I had forgotten how much I wanted to listen to music while walking. I have been without an ipod or music device for too long. Before it was to listen to songs that had relative lyrics that I could associate with and help me decipher things. That still has carried over, but now it is stronger. The music has become an extension of my thoughts. Tracy once mentioned how for a while, she could imagine flowers into realistic existence anywhere she wanted. I believe that much like that, I am becoming able to visualize the colors of how the song is going and the link between me, my thoughts, and the music. It is a little bit of a rush, and if you asked me what colors they were, I would have a hard time telling you. I know they exist. I can see them, but at the same time I feel them. I don't know where things are going, but I am determined to survive.




This Too Shall Pass - Danny Schmidt


We think too big
We think our self is one whole thing
And we claim that this collection
Has a name and is a being
But deep inside
When every cell divides
It sets upon the rule that states
Self-interest is divine

Cancer, too
Lives by this golden rule
That you must do unto the others
As the others unto you
All for the best
Cause that’s all the life accepts
And so we kill it like a buffalo
With awe and with respect


....




The story goes
Or the way that I was told
There was a king that always felt too high
And then he fell too low
And so he called
All the wise men to the hall
And begged them for a gift
To end the rises and the falls

And here’s the thing
They came back with a ring
It was simple and was plainly
Unbefitting of a king
Engraved in black
It had no front or back
But there were words around the band that said
Just know: This Too Shall Pass



This Too Shall Pass- Danny Schmidt

Familiar

I thought I had gotten rid of you. Nothing was supposed to survive those cleansing fires. Yet here we are again. You grew back so readily, if be a little slower, and better disguised. This time I may not be able to fight you off.




I am doomed to this road.