Thank You clouds for being so amazing these past few weeks. I have never before seen so many light beams of helpful truth beams shooting down to Earth in a glorious stand against the overcast. People have also helped me remember things that were familiar to me, and I was sure to be ready to acknowledge, and capture these things.I still need to work. And there is so much work to be done.
Our house is getting ripped apart, so for now, this is how the house looks a while ago. now a days there is less ply wood Mom and Dad brought back some nutella from italy, so i took that same package to alaska when i went, hoping to maybe augment the nutella with a well traveled taste. after several years of aging, i figured it was getting as traveled as it could get, and ate it in a glorious fashion. it seemed.. cultured. not to mention it expired about two months before this picture. It has been a while, but the sky is helping. today i played at least an hour and a half combined of piano and guitar, and the sky helped me remember things that once were, but i still don't think i am doing a good job at internalizing. I find it a little ironic that at the point in my life were i have the most instrumentals and thought provoking feeling music at my disposal, i am not actually thinking very well. i am doing better, must like as if there were a black metal box in the middle of an empty gray room, and along the edges of the box, brilliant colors are seen, and trying to get out, but only manage to escape in small, insignificant whiffs of curling smoke.
It has been along time since I have given myself a proper mental check up and integrity update. Over the last few weeks, I have been trying to correctly orientate myself toward working at things that need to be finished, and to do them at a timely manner. while this is still something I know (or have to) improve on, there has not been a lack of progress. This is not meant to be large group of words that relate to me as I would like it, for There is probably many things that I should be writing down to remember or decisions.
The most recent things I can think of that are worth mentioning might be that I am listening, or trying to expand my musics again, and being successful so far. The music has reminded me of my own music and how the piano feels. I have taken to sitting at the piano, and closing my eyes, letting my fingers play random, or patternized series of chords and notes. Even though I probably accomplish nothing close to what I feel, there are sparks and moments where out of no where a phrase will pop through and the left hand will find the perfect four fingered harmonic bass chord, usually of notes that i would never expect to sound good together.
"...As I deconstruct my thoughts at this piano." -Jacks Mannequin, Everything in Transit Album
If I forget to mention it to her, I plan on dueting/improving piano things with Tracy at Reed. I believe only magical colors will be produced.
Things are finally being more open, warm, and not so confining. This has improved my study habit which is good seeing how the bio people have a super test on monday. I was reading through a book when this paragraph stood out to me while discussing the concept of how improbable it is for even the same individual to be able to compare different kinds of "happy" or even of "feeling". Can someone say that they are enjoying their buttered toast be truthful, or do they not know what happiness is because they have never experienced jam on that toast, and then if they DO discover jam, and say that they were not truly happy before, are they right? Stumbling on Happiness by: Daniel Gilbert, Harvard psychologist
...Studies such as these demonstrate that once we have an experience, we cannot simply set it aside and see the wolrd as we would have seen it had the experience never happened. To the judge's dismay, the jury cannot disregard the prosecutor's snide remarks. Our experiences instantly become part of the lens through which we view our entire pst, present, and future, and like any lens, they shape and distort what we see. This lens is not like a pair of spectacles that we can set on the nightstand when we find it convenient to do so but like a pair of contacts that are forever affixed to our eyeballs with superglue. Once we learn to read, we can never again see letters as mere inky squiggles. Once we learn about free jazz, we can never again hear Ornette Coleman's saxophone as a source of noise. ... All of his means that when people have new experiences that lead them to claim that their language was squished-that they were not really happy even though they said so and thought so at the time-they can be mistaken. In other words, people can be wrong in the present when they say they were wrong in the past.
