Lack of too little time.

It has come to my attention that I am writing about half as much as I did last year, and with less quality of posts. As an early year resolution, I hope to be able to write things down more so that I don't need to be stuck wishing I could remember.
I don't take pictures nearly as much anymore either. I am currently blaming this kohler house until I can better define what is being stupid. It is probably me, but until then..

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Colors of a familiar tune twirl their way through a crisp fall afternoon. The sun’s persistent warm rays reflect off of the colorful leaves that have finally found beauty in death and change. The ribbons of color embrace and conjure up their own memories as I pass a hand slowly over them. They remind me to respond with the appropriate color sequence, which upon release yields an expected hue. Then the concentration is gone, a materialistic eye is confused at what it has just been witnessed, and turns toward the conversationee. A tree sided road strolls up to meet the two, but goes unnoticed as the inner eye curses at it’s lack of power and understanding. A brief pause and a reboot of what is known, and what is not, and the walking verbal interaction continues, but so too a constant frustration at the lack of action. Always a lack of action.

If only

Mathematical Communication

What is likely a winning combination

Today was a snow day. It was very nice in its coming. There was a plan already for its entrance. It involved sleeping bags, and how amazing it would be if you spent a whole day in one. However, conflicting plans imposed their way in, and things began to get stuck in time. Instead, I have probably walked for two miles easily in snow, and scenes unraveled in their usual way, which was not. College apps are almost done, and online chinese is drastically behind. I need to start writing more often. It will help to remember. I have not noticed in significant status fluctuations. Tracy is coming home soon which will be amazing. I just hope it does not go over as things usually go over.
...
I have a feeling like I should be doing things.. But I don't know what.
/._.\

Once Again XKCD..

Link
For some reason, pictures are being very not formatable.

Statements. Thoughts.

Dear Future Sam.
Not really sure how the state of anything is at the moment. Drifting back to third person. I don't know if this is acceptable or not anymore. I haven't really had time to focus in on one thing or the other, or outside factors. This in itself may be a problem. Momentum is still being felt, but it has yet to be directed toward one thing or another. It is spilling over into too many different things and is spread to thin. A large spoon is needed to contain such bursts in protective walls lest the town be flooded. Music is a large influence in tone of perception. Sitting on roofs is a good substitute for a tree. One should determine their utility and then play the role of the prospector and siv through until some rare treasure presents itself. In such an instance, it should be analyzed and put to use, but only when understood. White green whisps, and foreboding whirlpools of blues and purples, and rhythmic ripples. Piano is still a site of Truth. Don't forget about the leaves, their motion paused in the air, and their sorrowful decent until they lay peacefully defeaten on the grass. Pictures are healthy. Mouth words must hold with them the resolve of mind. Fluidity will come, and with that, the stream of knowledge, and tributaries of the past. Let the knowledge of others rain down and fill your empty stream beds.

Sociology, and other randomness

Momentum

Things are gravitating a little bit I think. Soccer is now over. I don't plan to spend any more time on that subject. Other than that I still have the terrible need to put recently baked hot goods into my mouth. This time it was brusheda that did the burning. Normally it is of pizza make.

I think that while I have done badly at reconnecting, momentum is none the less picking up and hopefully will guide me a little bit better.
as a side note, me and tracy are both eating soup-like things.
Right now I don't trust myself to write down something truthful.
I will return to this later.

Long time coming

It's been a long time since I've written much of anything. I've been so preoccupied with filling my time with either things I think I should be doing, or purposely knowing that nothing will come out of the time I put in. The later of these is probably the more often used unfortunately. I don't think that I'm following the path I had worked to set myself up for after Madison. Things were so much more simpler then. None of this death college things to get in. Music is again helping. Good for motivation and relativity. Sociology is being stupid. Philosophy next year should prove better. I need to continue to do better if I even want to think about colleges. I would rank myself as maybe mediocre at this point.

-10/23

Still mediocre. Still not super. Still not showing signs of cognitive movement. Piano playing would be nice. This kohler house is not advantageous for deciding to do work.. not enough open spaces or private creeks in the woods. I can feel a sort of bubble shield beginning. I am slipping back into a malnourishing act of procrastination.
I am also not writing enough so that I can't even tell where I've been.
note to self. Matt is stupid.

Fall 08

It's a Trap!

-Sam, come spend your whole Sunday putting in a sub-pump that the house builders should be putting in.
-Sam, bring your homework so that you can do the homework you planned to do this whole day and not have a total loss.
-Sam, go back to kohler and do this random chore, then stay their for school.

ps: This was a trap. This was a ploy to separate your backpack from you. Welcome back to school.
pps: hope you can finish that math turn-in before eleven, that's a pretty long car ride.

Reconnectedness

I can't explain it, just know that it is happening

(madison sketch to be added)

Coming to

School has finally caught up and trapped me in its clutches once again. As could be expected our amazing faculty have been demonstrating a now common lack luster job at understanding just what exactly happens in their tiny tiny school of which, it is their only job. The kohler house is still working out pretty well and has been a useful home base. While patterns of scheduling have yet to be noticed and taken advantage of, this year is definitely not without promise of being amazing. Our current physics class exemplifies this. There is not a possibility of even having a bad lab group...just one that isn't as exciting as others. I think in kohler it is easier for me to do homework merely because there seems to be the weight and ever vigilant gaze of the 'kohler ideals' that seem to increase the closer you are to the school. Maybe this is what it is like to live in a town... On the farm I have noticed considerably just how easy it is to do what I want, or think I should be doing be it reading, or doing video games, or working out. It will be interesting to see how things go from here.

Friday Night

Situation: Babylon A.D came out, and even though we haven't really seen it yet, the internet rumored it to be not that great. So our rag-tag band set out for a more better movie to watch. While strolling through BestBuy, we happened upon a piece of old-school gold. He-Man. Immediately we scavenged for another season, and were rewarded with the complete series. Every single episode of He-Man: Masters of the Universe were OURS! Also to go along with this, we had loaded up at Biglots, and were ready for feast-ening. The medium for viewing was an at least fifty inch amazing-tv and comfy couches littered with zebra cake wrappers. The next 7 hours were some of the best of the summer. I can only hope to continue to recreate it from time to time.

Olympics '08

Return

SSI was really useful. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to summarize what I actually am certain I learned or didn't learn. I continued a trend of not living up to the potential I could have if I would use time efficiently and in a logical way. The great thing is now I actually have some research time, and a published paper.
...
Soccer has started and now there is a house in Kohler which is suiting well towards what I need to get done. Certain people are reacting in just the sharp manner that they have been for years which has allowed me to hate construction work and "organized" labor.
...
I am angry that this post was split up into parts, but I don't think there is a sufficient way for me to remember and write down everything important. Things just were.

Collaspe the Light into Earth

Song: Collapse the Light into Earth
Artist: Porcupine Tree

Comics and meditation

Lately I have been watching a lot of cartoons that have either been highly suggested I watch, or according to a list Tracy and I made up that would be beneficial to watch. these have included Superman,Batman, Justice League, Bleach, and Full Metal Alchemist. These I think have been good for me. The art direction in all of them are very well done, and the plots also have been quite stable. Going with this, Dark Knight as an amazing movie that also helped me think things over. Our research here is still pushing on and we are finally starting to see some cool trends. I still don't think that I'm reading enough, but I still have some time left. I have also managed to find a nice spot that I can go and just sit for nice long periods of time. I am, if I haven't come to it earlier, very confident in my ability to live in a college type thing. I still need to continue to prepare though.

Dreamtime

I am a little annoyed at my lack of posting, seeing how now I have time to do things. On that note, I am annoyed at my lack of doing. I am confident in my ability to function and manage, but yet I cannot seem to get much closer to doing things that I think about. I can tell I'm getting better, which I suppose is much better than not noticing progression. It has also been a long time since I have gone back and reviewed things within this site, and within my books.
The more I read, the more I feel I am beginning to see more. It never really occurred to me before, but as our technology advances, there is a growing trend, or it is becoming easier to live within our own minds. I mean how we are living within man's mind. Our cities in particular would be an example of living exclusively within someone else's mental manifestation. I hope this is how the rest of college is, the rapid absorption of knowledge and different perspectives. It is like being in the matrix and having someone upload a new and different skill into your brain.
I am also noticing a tone in this particular post I'm doing a bad job at conveying very well what I am meaning to say. hurm.

- 7/13

I have managed to find time for some sitting by a lake with a rock. I am developing a more right sounding theory that the most of us are not very good at identifying with things. When I say 'things' I am not entirely sure what that all entails, but it is quite alot. When I say 'identify' I mean more of the attachment that comes with it. We may have recognition with nature through memory, but our overall labeling system objectifies it much too readily. My goal for this summer is, ironically in the midst of an internship, is to de-objectify as much as I can.

Thus adding to a never ending list of things to accomplish.

Time to rest

Things have been very laid back here in mad-town. I think that things would be a little more cool if I actually were in freshmen year at college, rather than in a seven week program. But the initial vaccination of college "life" is rather nice so far. I would have thought that I would be making more posts if I really did have more time, but this may also be due to a lack of a portable thing.

I will probably change this post in the coming days.. or even hours depending on when I can upload quote that I have been meaning to immortalize into the interwebs.
It has been very nice to see Michael and people again, and disscuss stuff. I don't feel that I am working adequately enough (as usual though), but I am glad at my assimilating abilities of adaptaion.

I need to do more processing.

"Surely there is some point where one must stop this nonsense and emerge. "-past Sam.

-July 2.
I have been reading more, and trying to see more than just the physical in the world around me. I am not sure how well I am doing this, but it is...different. Before I loose this concentration, below are an assortment of quotes that I have collected from The Giver and what I have gotten from The Conference of the Birds so far.

"Reality is not what it is. It consists of the many realities which it can be made into." (Sight and Sensibility)

"Love involves the surge of feeling experienced when one perceives another acting as a reliable and trustworthy care giver, and submits passively and fully to being the recipient of this care." (Sroufe,1996)

"...the thought of the moment chased away the experience and bliss slid into wonder."(S and s)

"...Seeing is the power to catch the light thrown at us."(S and S)

"...By reaching out and touching, we can alter the world that we see." (S and S)

"I also know a dark similitude
Will on the fancy more itself intrude,
And will stick faster in the heart and head
Than things from similes not borrowed" (Conference of the Birds)

"The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the lonliness of it. Memories need to be shared." (The Giver)

"Give up the intellect for love and see
In one brief moment all eternity..." (The Conference of the Birds)

The Pigeon:
"Dear pigeon, welcome- with what joy you yearn
To fly away, how sadly you return!
Your heart is wrung with grief, you share the gaol
That Jonah knew, the belly of a whale-
The Self has swallowed you for its delight;
How long will you endure its mindless spite?
Dut off its head, seek out the moon, and fly
Beyond the utmost limits of the sky;
Escape this monster and become the friend
Of Jonah in that ocean without end."
(Conference of the Birds)

"Renounce your soul for love; He you pursue
Will sacrifice His inmost soul for you."

"A man whose eyes love opens risks his soul-
His dancing breaks beyond the mind's control." (Conference of the Birds)

I am trying to remember these as I go about days. I am feeling comfortable here.

Growth is not a path, it is learning.

Thank you Patrice.

Fare Well

I will be leaving soon, and I don't feel that I've apportioned my time on things correctly, as usual. The last few days of school, and continuing into now are still too busy-busy and I haven't actually gotten to things that I would like to do before leaving. I will do the best I can to continue in augmenting my self with learnings that I should know, or revisit. I got The Giver today from the library at long last. I can't wait to read it again. Even when I was little I recognized that this book at huge undertones that I wasn't able to see in entirety. On another note, Ninja Gaiden is amazing.
I got done taking my SAT's, but even there I found a small tidbit. I forget what the problem was asking me to do, or who the quote was by, but I was asked to look at this quote in a reading problem. The direct quote eludes me, but the idea was that in remembering and thinking about remembered information, actually changes the perspective that it was originally viewed in, and thus changes the memory. If this is true, I have significantly altered my past. I suppose I should concentrate on my future though. Junior year is finally over, and only one more year until college. Even typing that feels weird.
I am also taking requests for book lists. I don't think I have read as much as I should have by now. I have started with re-reading A Wrinkle In Time, and The Giver, but I may also read over Ender's Game, and maybe find some new ones.

After today.. I'm off for adventure i guess.

Oh, I can relate XKCD.. I can relate.

A Better Representation of Absence

Whitman pictures are at the beginning with all the flatness, and starting at the great door is Reed.



















(The nuclear reactor with accessory duckies)




in no particular order.

Tendrils

remember

Remember.

I have been thinking more and more this week, and I think that I have come to a thought. I had some help coming to it, but I feel that, I too am ready to walk through walls.

Come What May

A request from past sam to future sam:

remember, and try to draw this song in two years.

"A Better Idea"

-xkcd.com


This is SUCH a good idea.

In other news, Sam is allowed to go to college.

YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!

IT IS NOT A TRAP!!

However, in even OTHER news, Sam is not allowed a summer vacation.

The Superest

It has been a while since i've been drawing, let alone being creative, let alone funny, but this time, i think things came together perfectly. this one has the potential to be amazing. Some how, Nick and i got internet themed, and hilarity ensued.
(my personal favorite is the last drawing, done by nick. i am also wishing i drew darker so it would show up better when scanned.)

Recalled to Life

(4/29/08)





Thank You clouds for being so amazing these past few weeks. I have never before seen so many light beams of helpful truth beams shooting down to Earth in a glorious stand against the overcast. People have also helped me remember things that were familiar to me, and I was sure to be ready to acknowledge, and capture these things.I still need to work. And there is so much work to be done.

Spring Playlists

Where do we go from here?

Our house is getting ripped apart, so for now, this is how the house looks a while ago. now a days there is less ply wood
Mom and Dad brought back some nutella from italy, so i took that same package to alaska when i went, hoping to maybe augment the nutella with a well traveled taste. after several years of aging, i figured it was getting as traveled as it could get, and ate it in a glorious fashion. it seemed.. cultured.
not to mention it expired about two months before this picture.



It has been a while, but the sky is helping. today i played at least an hour and a half combined of piano and guitar, and the sky helped me remember things that once were, but i still don't think i am doing a good job at internalizing.




I find it a little ironic that at the point in my life were i have the most instrumentals and thought provoking feeling music at my disposal, i am not actually thinking very well. i am doing better, must like as if there were a black metal box in the middle of an empty gray room, and along the edges of the box, brilliant colors are seen, and trying to get out, but only manage to escape in small, insignificant whiffs of curling smoke.

Flowing Fingers

It has been along time since I have given myself a proper mental check up and integrity update. Over the last few weeks, I have been trying to correctly orientate myself toward working at things that need to be finished, and to do them at a timely manner. while this is still something I know (or have to) improve on, there has not been a lack of progress. This is not meant to be large group of words that relate to me as I would like it, for There is probably many things that I should be writing down to remember or decisions.

The most recent things I can think of that are worth mentioning might be that I am listening, or trying to expand my musics again, and being successful so far.
The music has reminded me of my own music and how the piano feels. I have taken to sitting at the piano, and closing my eyes, letting my fingers play random, or patternized series of chords and notes. Even though I probably accomplish nothing close to what I feel, there are sparks and moments where out of no where a phrase will pop through and the left hand will find the perfect four fingered harmonic bass chord, usually of notes that i would never expect to sound good together.

"...As I deconstruct my thoughts at this piano."
-Jacks Mannequin, Everything in Transit Album

If I forget to mention it to her, I plan on dueting/improving piano things with Tracy at Reed. I believe only magical colors will be produced.

Better

I have missed my clouds and sun.


Things are finally being more open, warm, and not so confining. This has improved my study habit which is good seeing how the bio people have a super test on monday.
I was reading through a book when this paragraph stood out to me while discussing the concept of how improbable it is for even the same individual to be able to compare different kinds of "happy" or even of "feeling". Can someone say that they are enjoying their buttered toast be truthful, or do they not know what happiness is because they have never experienced jam on that toast, and then if they DO discover jam, and say that they were not truly happy before, are they right?
Stumbling on Happiness by: Daniel Gilbert, Harvard psychologist

...Studies such as these demonstrate that once we have an experience, we cannot simply set it aside and see the wolrd as we would have seen it had the experience never happened. To the judge's dismay, the jury cannot disregard the prosecutor's snide remarks. Our experiences instantly become part of the lens through which we view our entire pst, present, and future, and like any lens, they shape and distort what we see. This lens is not like a pair of spectacles that we can set on the nightstand when we find it convenient to do so but like a pair of contacts that are forever affixed to our eyeballs with superglue. Once we learn to read, we can never again see letters as mere inky squiggles. Once we learn about free jazz, we can never again hear Ornette Coleman's saxophone as a source of noise.
...
All of his means that when people have new experiences that lead them to claim that their language was squished-that they were not really happy even though they said so and thought so at the time-they can be mistaken. In other words, people can be wrong in the present when they say they were wrong in the past.