Saturday, December 11, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Dive back into the grey and Portles of the Land
Happy post Thanks giving,
Covering time from about Tuesday on, there finally was a large amount of snow in the Wallas to the point that it was definitely a winter. The really cold happened after we left but for the time being it was nice to have a winter with everyone who usually don't get that much snow. Before heading out things got pretty gobbled and sticky feeling so it was a little bit hard to fully enjoy or be bound to the present. Too much in too many places needed to be thought of at the same time and is one of the first times in a while that I've let that happen. The time that transpired after this, however, was some of the most precisely applied aid I've seen yet.
Thank you Mari for everything. The 48ish hours I guested at your house was exactly what I needed. Thank you for the conversation, perspective, and laid-backedness. Thanks for the remember, and thanks for making the invitation in the first place because I probably would not have asked to stay over. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.
Portland greeted me with one of the best nerd dens I've seen in a while. So much anime, so much games, so much potential, it is lovely. There will be par cour, there has and will be good food, and as most breaks happen are ending too quickly. I finally was able to meet T1 (Trace) and that was wonderful. He gave me a flute he made so now I must learn how to play it well.
I will add to this post with another post later when I have a little more time in the day to properly explain this break and what is up.
Covering time from about Tuesday on, there finally was a large amount of snow in the Wallas to the point that it was definitely a winter. The really cold happened after we left but for the time being it was nice to have a winter with everyone who usually don't get that much snow. Before heading out things got pretty gobbled and sticky feeling so it was a little bit hard to fully enjoy or be bound to the present. Too much in too many places needed to be thought of at the same time and is one of the first times in a while that I've let that happen. The time that transpired after this, however, was some of the most precisely applied aid I've seen yet.
Thank you Mari for everything. The 48ish hours I guested at your house was exactly what I needed. Thank you for the conversation, perspective, and laid-backedness. Thanks for the remember, and thanks for making the invitation in the first place because I probably would not have asked to stay over. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.
Portland greeted me with one of the best nerd dens I've seen in a while. So much anime, so much games, so much potential, it is lovely. There will be par cour, there has and will be good food, and as most breaks happen are ending too quickly. I finally was able to meet T1 (Trace) and that was wonderful. He gave me a flute he made so now I must learn how to play it well.
I will add to this post with another post later when I have a little more time in the day to properly explain this break and what is up.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Flip Side
I find that when thinking about things regarding social situations or just in general things around me that have manage to disappoint me or deviated enough from what I wanted to have happened that there is a good exercise to go through.
1. Identify what you wanted to have happen/experience/whatever.
2. Remember what happened
3. Know how it would have had to change in order to reach #1.
4. Seeing how the compare, is #1 appropriate?
5. Is #1 a responsible view on the world, or is it a small selfishness?
6. If #1 had been achieved, how would things be different?
7. How would others know that was what you wanted and did you communicate it well, or what could you have done?
8. Would you be happy if #1 had been achieved?
9. If was considered selfish, why is it selfish and what is the root of this selfishness? Is it simply a sporadic feeling, or is it something else?
10. Is it significant to be thinking about?
It is generally my opinion that, in retrospect, I struggle largely at 6, 7, and the 8 area. Part of the problem is then changing perspectives to others and knowing that they have their own little wants for the moment and then what those might be and exactly where do you or do you not fall in that. I am also still learning what is appropriate to do if I feel that I am just third wheeling a group conversation and have not added anything for the last hour. At this point am I still an active participant, or am I simply next to a few more people?
Also, it has come to my attention that sometimes things that you actually want to have happen, happen anyway without your being aware of them. For instance, old example of sitting at a table by yourself for the purpose of a social experiment to see who will sit with you. What do you do when the people actually sit with you? Do you become happy and overjoyed that they have chosen your presence to surround themselves with, or do you push it back in your mind because you really were hoping to perpetuate a self fulfilling prophecy and try to rationalize something by their absence?
1. Identify what you wanted to have happen/experience/whatever.
2. Remember what happened
3. Know how it would have had to change in order to reach #1.
4. Seeing how the compare, is #1 appropriate?
5. Is #1 a responsible view on the world, or is it a small selfishness?
6. If #1 had been achieved, how would things be different?
7. How would others know that was what you wanted and did you communicate it well, or what could you have done?
8. Would you be happy if #1 had been achieved?
9. If was considered selfish, why is it selfish and what is the root of this selfishness? Is it simply a sporadic feeling, or is it something else?
10. Is it significant to be thinking about?
It is generally my opinion that, in retrospect, I struggle largely at 6, 7, and the 8 area. Part of the problem is then changing perspectives to others and knowing that they have their own little wants for the moment and then what those might be and exactly where do you or do you not fall in that. I am also still learning what is appropriate to do if I feel that I am just third wheeling a group conversation and have not added anything for the last hour. At this point am I still an active participant, or am I simply next to a few more people?
Also, it has come to my attention that sometimes things that you actually want to have happen, happen anyway without your being aware of them. For instance, old example of sitting at a table by yourself for the purpose of a social experiment to see who will sit with you. What do you do when the people actually sit with you? Do you become happy and overjoyed that they have chosen your presence to surround themselves with, or do you push it back in your mind because you really were hoping to perpetuate a self fulfilling prophecy and try to rationalize something by their absence?
Friday, November 12, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Since I'm Here. Recontinued Remember: pt 3
Since I've just been talking with people for what is now five hours already I must resign myself that I'm not going to be doing homework today. I also haven't been writing. Now that I have had a warm up I feel moved to note down a few things.
Over this weekend I began to be come so calm about the way things were that that lack of commotion or problems in it of itself seemed to be problem. When things seem fine I am inclined to look for the problem that I am over looking. It is usually a misinterpretation, something misunderstood or straight out ignored. I was reminded this night that my sister is not the only one I can converse with at a high level of understanding. Granted, I would be hard pressed to say that any one ever will be able to get onto our level of color, shared experiences, and inside connecting jokes of interest and codexes, but at times I feel as if I forget this. I forget that there are other intelligently aware people surrounding me if I take the chance to reach out a little or do the correct prodding.
I am also working on trusting people to be good people more. While it is not as if I consciously or instinctively distrusted people, it was interesting to see that in cases of confusion and uncertainty, I withdraw and worry rather than trust them to be a capable human being that doesn't mean to harm me. They are doing the best they can with the given situation and how they move about it. They are not searching to do wrong, and it can be avoided with simple communication.
Geneva showed me a video of people dancing extraordinarily, and recently I watched a Youtube video on par kour combined with gymnastics and mixed martial arts. Then I went and climbed a tree. I feel as if I've touched on this before but the physical movement of it all is what, heh, moves me. I am beginning to feel more confident as if when one does something well, or becomes pretty good at a thing, there is this rhythm to it that can be translated from almost anything. I feel it when I write Japanese Calligraphy, in climbing, in dancing, in soccer, in TaeKwonDo, in piano, in cooking, and how one moves through a math problem. There is a beat, a movement to it all. A flow. Hopefully in time I well develop a better connection with amazing connectivity between environment and self. It feels so safe and so wonderful.
REMEMBER: Roleplaying
On situations and people doing what they can with what they have reminds me to continue topics I discussed with Tracy last year. I felt as if alot of problems in social relations between people be it groups, relationships, etc. occur from problems in role playing. It is something that I am simply used to doing. Partly being brought up in a way that emphasized not troubling anyone else unless you absolutely must, it became a tool that I have since developed. As I imagine actors must thoroughly research and understand the pressures on their character in order to play the role as authentically as possible, so too must others not underestimate just how much they have to imagine in order to simply make a good guess as to another's thoughts, feelings, possible reaction. When I imagine this process, I literally have to stop moving, close my eyes and focus entirely on how things would be from another's point of view.
This means my general view of them, the history I know and how I feel it would affect my decisions and priorities, what that persons goals might be, social relations, tendencies, stature and how that body would feel like, where its balance is, and what seems to be most important is how I would appear and be interpreted by that person. This means visualizing myself conversing or simply being there. How would I react to myself? How would THEY react to me? How do I even behave? At the end, all I have is a guess. After all of that work, depending on how well I know the person, I have to resign myself to simply have an educated guess to guide my future actions. Perhaps it is I who is the ignorant one and flawed in my ability to understand a basic Cooley Looking Glass Self in operation but it seems to me that most do not go this far. They skip and just get to the guessing without trying as hard as they can to mentally develop a realistic scenario.
Over this weekend I began to be come so calm about the way things were that that lack of commotion or problems in it of itself seemed to be problem. When things seem fine I am inclined to look for the problem that I am over looking. It is usually a misinterpretation, something misunderstood or straight out ignored. I was reminded this night that my sister is not the only one I can converse with at a high level of understanding. Granted, I would be hard pressed to say that any one ever will be able to get onto our level of color, shared experiences, and inside connecting jokes of interest and codexes, but at times I feel as if I forget this. I forget that there are other intelligently aware people surrounding me if I take the chance to reach out a little or do the correct prodding.
I am also working on trusting people to be good people more. While it is not as if I consciously or instinctively distrusted people, it was interesting to see that in cases of confusion and uncertainty, I withdraw and worry rather than trust them to be a capable human being that doesn't mean to harm me. They are doing the best they can with the given situation and how they move about it. They are not searching to do wrong, and it can be avoided with simple communication.
Geneva showed me a video of people dancing extraordinarily, and recently I watched a Youtube video on par kour combined with gymnastics and mixed martial arts. Then I went and climbed a tree. I feel as if I've touched on this before but the physical movement of it all is what, heh, moves me. I am beginning to feel more confident as if when one does something well, or becomes pretty good at a thing, there is this rhythm to it that can be translated from almost anything. I feel it when I write Japanese Calligraphy, in climbing, in dancing, in soccer, in TaeKwonDo, in piano, in cooking, and how one moves through a math problem. There is a beat, a movement to it all. A flow. Hopefully in time I well develop a better connection with amazing connectivity between environment and self. It feels so safe and so wonderful.
REMEMBER: Roleplaying
On situations and people doing what they can with what they have reminds me to continue topics I discussed with Tracy last year. I felt as if alot of problems in social relations between people be it groups, relationships, etc. occur from problems in role playing. It is something that I am simply used to doing. Partly being brought up in a way that emphasized not troubling anyone else unless you absolutely must, it became a tool that I have since developed. As I imagine actors must thoroughly research and understand the pressures on their character in order to play the role as authentically as possible, so too must others not underestimate just how much they have to imagine in order to simply make a good guess as to another's thoughts, feelings, possible reaction. When I imagine this process, I literally have to stop moving, close my eyes and focus entirely on how things would be from another's point of view.
This means my general view of them, the history I know and how I feel it would affect my decisions and priorities, what that persons goals might be, social relations, tendencies, stature and how that body would feel like, where its balance is, and what seems to be most important is how I would appear and be interpreted by that person. This means visualizing myself conversing or simply being there. How would I react to myself? How would THEY react to me? How do I even behave? At the end, all I have is a guess. After all of that work, depending on how well I know the person, I have to resign myself to simply have an educated guess to guide my future actions. Perhaps it is I who is the ignorant one and flawed in my ability to understand a basic Cooley Looking Glass Self in operation but it seems to me that most do not go this far. They skip and just get to the guessing without trying as hard as they can to mentally develop a realistic scenario.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Fall leaves and bouncy balls
Sitting in the library on a warm sunday afternoon surrounded by colors once more I feel as if I should make another small contribution. I believe that in this next week or so I will be doing a better job at updating things, particularly the drafts I started last year that were inspired after a few late night talks with Tracy. I'm still not sure exactly how much I should be adding to this blog. I recognize that it generally helps to write things down for contemplation later.
Nothing is small.
My original goal was to try and match, if not increase the number of posts from the last year, but I fear that with an increase in work, and a decrease in my /need/ to write it is becoming harder to remember how useful it is to just spit word shapes onto a screen.
At the moment green seaweed, black backdrop, white redorange baubles.
The otherday I spent alot of time listening to courage wolf. I have to say that it's quite empowering. Just the simple concept.
Just got and achieve something. Do whatever it takes, cast of opposition like petty droplets of rain desperately clinging to your coat. Not just achieve but go out and and ruthlessly destroy anything that could stop you. If you are defeated, WALK IT OFF.
I've also discovered somewhat the positive aspects of actually trusting people to make things wok our. Where I may have once just thought about all available information to overkill and then continue until I found a downward spiral of logic, it has saved considerable stress by just removing myself from the immediate metas and just letting people be people whom I will respond appropriately with. And if there is ever anything to be sure of, it is that people are very good at responding. They have to know what is going on of course, levels of perception are different after all. For instance I have no idea what sort of minor facial expressions I have made over the course of writing this post. However, I bet there's someone who may be very tuned into how their face moves. Some people are unable to report or comment on their emotions simply because they aren't tuned into that awareness level or minute detail. Even if they COULD there is no guarantee if they can accurately share their subjective experiences. Things get muddled. Things get stupid.
Don't ever underestimate your influence on others. Don't ever become over confident of your influence on others.
I have recently been putting a lot of thought towards this idea of mine I'm calling social gravity. Similar to relativity, if a planet's gravity warps the fabric of space time, what if individuals also have this sort of social gravity able to warp situations simply by being there. I have never thought of myself as being the origin point for this gravitational pull as, from my perspective, I generally don't offer all that much in social situations. I will either be talkative but not exactly essential to the conversations, more like added side-ins, or I draw myself in and observe silently. This year I have been noticing more and more how people, at least when around me, have started to pick up my mannerisms. Most of the entire Japanese house has taken up randomly beat boxing, or changing their voices when recounting a story dependent on the character speaking. To me these things are characteristic of someone is particularly charismatic which does not fit my own view of myself. I can't express how strange it is to think of myself as having an influence on people the same way I perceive others having an influence on myself.
I climbed a tree the other day and had a good talk with myself for about an hour. There is just something about getting up high above the modernity of my dailyhood and just sitting amongst some sturdy branches. The nostalgic smell of red maple and pigeons skimming my head in the late afternoon. Everything becomes still and simple. Complications like mosquitos only follow you up about thirty feet. Climb for escape, climb for perspective, climb for rhythm, climb for forward movement, climb for peace of mind and understanding.
Learn, be
Adapt
Listen
Make Flow.
Nothing is small.
My original goal was to try and match, if not increase the number of posts from the last year, but I fear that with an increase in work, and a decrease in my /need/ to write it is becoming harder to remember how useful it is to just spit word shapes onto a screen.
At the moment green seaweed, black backdrop, white redorange baubles.
The otherday I spent alot of time listening to courage wolf. I have to say that it's quite empowering. Just the simple concept.
Just got and achieve something. Do whatever it takes, cast of opposition like petty droplets of rain desperately clinging to your coat. Not just achieve but go out and and ruthlessly destroy anything that could stop you. If you are defeated, WALK IT OFF.
I've also discovered somewhat the positive aspects of actually trusting people to make things wok our. Where I may have once just thought about all available information to overkill and then continue until I found a downward spiral of logic, it has saved considerable stress by just removing myself from the immediate metas and just letting people be people whom I will respond appropriately with. And if there is ever anything to be sure of, it is that people are very good at responding. They have to know what is going on of course, levels of perception are different after all. For instance I have no idea what sort of minor facial expressions I have made over the course of writing this post. However, I bet there's someone who may be very tuned into how their face moves. Some people are unable to report or comment on their emotions simply because they aren't tuned into that awareness level or minute detail. Even if they COULD there is no guarantee if they can accurately share their subjective experiences. Things get muddled. Things get stupid.
Don't ever underestimate your influence on others. Don't ever become over confident of your influence on others.
I have recently been putting a lot of thought towards this idea of mine I'm calling social gravity. Similar to relativity, if a planet's gravity warps the fabric of space time, what if individuals also have this sort of social gravity able to warp situations simply by being there. I have never thought of myself as being the origin point for this gravitational pull as, from my perspective, I generally don't offer all that much in social situations. I will either be talkative but not exactly essential to the conversations, more like added side-ins, or I draw myself in and observe silently. This year I have been noticing more and more how people, at least when around me, have started to pick up my mannerisms. Most of the entire Japanese house has taken up randomly beat boxing, or changing their voices when recounting a story dependent on the character speaking. To me these things are characteristic of someone is particularly charismatic which does not fit my own view of myself. I can't express how strange it is to think of myself as having an influence on people the same way I perceive others having an influence on myself.
I climbed a tree the other day and had a good talk with myself for about an hour. There is just something about getting up high above the modernity of my dailyhood and just sitting amongst some sturdy branches. The nostalgic smell of red maple and pigeons skimming my head in the late afternoon. Everything becomes still and simple. Complications like mosquitos only follow you up about thirty feet. Climb for escape, climb for perspective, climb for rhythm, climb for forward movement, climb for peace of mind and understanding.
Learn, be
Adapt
Listen
Make Flow.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Awaken from Hibernation
It has been far, far too long since I have written anything down here. This follows for anything else that I have meant to keep a semblance of routine updates in. PWS, writing in journals, taking pictures, drawing, etc. It's been so long since I've taken the time to really, personally take a good look at the things around me and gleam anything meaningful from them. For the moment I feel this is because I have been lulled into a legitimate sense of security.
Nothing is wrong here. There are good friends, good work, good professors, good weather and activities, good books, great house/housemates...There is almost nothing missing. Years ago I may have felt a small drive to continue to pull back and consequently review and predict everything for hope of a different interpretation, or even just another perspective. I believe that for the moment, I am just calm. I don't feel like I need to look into everything. If it bothers me enough, or seems important, than yes, surely I'll look into and try to understand a speech pattern or watch how a duck walks, but for the moment. I don't think I really /want/ to find another interpretation.
This is great.
This is where I want to be.
This is where I LIKE being.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Weekend Topics: Recontinued Remember pt:1
These are some things that I have been noticing, and have tried to narrow down exactly what it is that make people seem so different from me in terms of the way they think. On the base level I feel as if people should be able to come to the same word-form conclusion that I come to, but I feel as if the path to get there is very different, and in the end changes the importance, or how personal the realization is.
"Nothing is small"
Future planning.
People may try to plan for the future, but I do not see them do it in the same way that I do. To me it seems to be more of a conscious attempt at a potential action rather than a scheduled event. I will be participating in it, and i need to think about the realistic situation in which I will be experiencing. I need think about the way it is going to smell, how crowded a thing may or may not be, that point where you look out and see someone you recognize but don't know wether to wave at them or not. Or if you may get flustered momentarily by someone your trying to impress. These all need to be considered. Returning to an idea of preparation. I am not sure if I can name something that I don't have to mentally prepare myself for before doing it. There is always a sonar ping, some "if this happens, I will say this" stretching required before going out and running with it. It is almost because of this that, in accordance with a later description of Role-Playing that it is almost pointless to go to most events that only deviate slightly, or make it so much easier to rationalize not going somewhere. I can imagine the situation, the buzz, the atmosphere, the dimness of the lights, a packed room with too many people and bouncing ping pong balls. Who is there with me, the words they will say and cause me to say words, etc. It becomes thought of. After practically experiencing it in real life I then make a decision if that is indeed the future that I want to participate in. Is that the future I want to have as part of my experience?
This preparation has played a large part in deciding what kind of person I want to be, and who I have become. In order to deal with a predicted event, I should be able to do ______ thing. In order to have that ability, or knowledge, I should practice this new skill, or increase my knowledge about this. The only other route is to explore the future image long enough to discover what exactly I am looking for and how I should realistically expect to achieve it.
"Nothing is small"
Future planning.
People may try to plan for the future, but I do not see them do it in the same way that I do. To me it seems to be more of a conscious attempt at a potential action rather than a scheduled event. I will be participating in it, and i need to think about the realistic situation in which I will be experiencing. I need think about the way it is going to smell, how crowded a thing may or may not be, that point where you look out and see someone you recognize but don't know wether to wave at them or not. Or if you may get flustered momentarily by someone your trying to impress. These all need to be considered. Returning to an idea of preparation. I am not sure if I can name something that I don't have to mentally prepare myself for before doing it. There is always a sonar ping, some "if this happens, I will say this" stretching required before going out and running with it. It is almost because of this that, in accordance with a later description of Role-Playing that it is almost pointless to go to most events that only deviate slightly, or make it so much easier to rationalize not going somewhere. I can imagine the situation, the buzz, the atmosphere, the dimness of the lights, a packed room with too many people and bouncing ping pong balls. Who is there with me, the words they will say and cause me to say words, etc. It becomes thought of. After practically experiencing it in real life I then make a decision if that is indeed the future that I want to participate in. Is that the future I want to have as part of my experience?
This preparation has played a large part in deciding what kind of person I want to be, and who I have become. In order to deal with a predicted event, I should be able to do ______ thing. In order to have that ability, or knowledge, I should practice this new skill, or increase my knowledge about this. The only other route is to explore the future image long enough to discover what exactly I am looking for and how I should realistically expect to achieve it.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Strategic Consciousness and Random Remember
Lately, in the past few days I have found that a brief 3 hour nap in the late afternoon allows for one to stay up and work very deeply into the night. This.. knowing when and not to be conscious, to be aware, poses a few questions.
By this method, it would seem that doing things later is in the better idea. Spending the day getting out all the distractions and reddit updates and then sleeping into work mode. This seems contrary to what was a growing rhythm.
Get it done now.
Action.
No waiting, only the present.
This clicks into a phenomenon that occurs when absorbing becomes self aware that it may, in fact, be hindering either an experience, or is unnecessary. A reboot is in order to clear all the search engines, connectors, remembering, and color empathy before taking things and responding on first impulse. It seems though, that this too has a monitor in order to terminate thoughts that reach second or third generation turn over to ensure spontaneous responses to stimuli and react through improve or intuition. But even these are, in some way, analytical. Finding timing and cues but just quieter, softer..
The Present is twisty and linear all at once. Absorbing all of it at once yields awareness and understanding, cogs turning, marvelous happenstance that the world has, at this location, with whatever history has happened, is unraveling this specific way right here right now. The stories that have such different origin's all coming to a head at a specific instant in time never to be quite as unique.
"People are good at talking, but not so much at listening." -Katie D.
Learning how to teach people how to listen is difficult if they are not used to it. I feel as if my moments where I know how to communicate what I say are random and beautiful when they happen. I can sense what I want to tell them, but if they are new to listening, then they won't pick out the important parts right way and often miss the perspective I want to weave. Or their ability to role play is limited by what information I give them and the way in which I present it. In order to teach others how to listen to me, I will have to learn how to become a better speaker. Those whom have a history will know the serious from the not, what I will pay attention to, and maybe have a 30% idea why.
I can't tell if others feel the gravity of things in the same way I perceive them. Especially struggle in inanimate, or organic materials. Their will and purpose they must strive to fulfill, if that couch is happy to be placed where it is, if a salt shaker gets lonely, or the insatiable garbage cans, laughing at how it tricks us into throwing it perfectly good food. Prompted from watching alot of anime where recently many characters across different series all express the same wants. 1) to be helpful to someone else, especially if they are a loved one, and 2) The ability to overcome any terrible tragedy through reception of a kind word from said cared one, or a special sea shell just for them. This insane drive to act in any way necessary to hold a promise.
This is really inspiring, and I can't tell if this is something just not found in our culture, if it has been forgotten, or only exists due to the over exaggeration of feelings and emotions often found in the anime medium.
Nothing is small.
To all the characters, and increasingly describing my perception of conversation, "Nothing is small."
It is not possible to perform an action, a spoken word, a twitch, a facial expression, and not have it mean something. Everything has a meaning.
I wonder how many others talk to those whom they peg as being "realistic" in order to discover, or reaffirm themselves that they are not insane, or at least not that much.
By this method, it would seem that doing things later is in the better idea. Spending the day getting out all the distractions and reddit updates and then sleeping into work mode. This seems contrary to what was a growing rhythm.
Get it done now.
Action.
No waiting, only the present.
This clicks into a phenomenon that occurs when absorbing becomes self aware that it may, in fact, be hindering either an experience, or is unnecessary. A reboot is in order to clear all the search engines, connectors, remembering, and color empathy before taking things and responding on first impulse. It seems though, that this too has a monitor in order to terminate thoughts that reach second or third generation turn over to ensure spontaneous responses to stimuli and react through improve or intuition. But even these are, in some way, analytical. Finding timing and cues but just quieter, softer..
The Present is twisty and linear all at once. Absorbing all of it at once yields awareness and understanding, cogs turning, marvelous happenstance that the world has, at this location, with whatever history has happened, is unraveling this specific way right here right now. The stories that have such different origin's all coming to a head at a specific instant in time never to be quite as unique.
"People are good at talking, but not so much at listening." -Katie D.
Learning how to teach people how to listen is difficult if they are not used to it. I feel as if my moments where I know how to communicate what I say are random and beautiful when they happen. I can sense what I want to tell them, but if they are new to listening, then they won't pick out the important parts right way and often miss the perspective I want to weave. Or their ability to role play is limited by what information I give them and the way in which I present it. In order to teach others how to listen to me, I will have to learn how to become a better speaker. Those whom have a history will know the serious from the not, what I will pay attention to, and maybe have a 30% idea why.
I can't tell if others feel the gravity of things in the same way I perceive them. Especially struggle in inanimate, or organic materials. Their will and purpose they must strive to fulfill, if that couch is happy to be placed where it is, if a salt shaker gets lonely, or the insatiable garbage cans, laughing at how it tricks us into throwing it perfectly good food. Prompted from watching alot of anime where recently many characters across different series all express the same wants. 1) to be helpful to someone else, especially if they are a loved one, and 2) The ability to overcome any terrible tragedy through reception of a kind word from said cared one, or a special sea shell just for them. This insane drive to act in any way necessary to hold a promise.
This is really inspiring, and I can't tell if this is something just not found in our culture, if it has been forgotten, or only exists due to the over exaggeration of feelings and emotions often found in the anime medium.
Nothing is small.
To all the characters, and increasingly describing my perception of conversation, "Nothing is small."
It is not possible to perform an action, a spoken word, a twitch, a facial expression, and not have it mean something. Everything has a meaning.
I wonder how many others talk to those whom they peg as being "realistic" in order to discover, or reaffirm themselves that they are not insane, or at least not that much.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Writer's Block
At perhaps the most inopportune time, I am strangely relaxed with a back burner knowledge that I need to work more. I have seen what happens when i adopt this way of thinking, and I know that it's not going to be that positive if I just keep rolling in it. Probably the best solution would to walk away from this computer for a week. That would quickly get rid of my many tabs that i frequent, and certainly stop me from wandering to reddit or fark, or watching video game gameplay. It would also make me move from this dorm of people who also are looking for distractions and jump me when i'm weak. I also am regretting not only the lack of time I have spent to write things down, but also the lack of meaningful information that has been put up here lately. Most of them are in attempt to jump start something that I seem to have forgotten how to do properly, or at least in a way that could be put down on this screen. Wether this is the result of myself trusting to be able to deal with things more, or simply I am not still turning with insights. Then there is the regret and guilt that the answer is simply that I have had the time and have choose to ignore it, or not put in the time to carry my camera around to capture things. No capture, and no insight from lost things.
Rolling
This picture brings back memories. Mainly of the sandwich. I wish it cost half as much so that I could have bought two. At the moment I feel inclined to remember good food or creations. If only it didn't make me broke.
(bacon/spagetti)
A delicious scrambled eggs with potato bits and grape jam that needed to be used with a side of cherry something that was great.
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