i regret not having the time to force myself to buckle down and do more things that are me. of late, around this time of year i try to do things that are for other people, but i'm realizing that my personal identity must be preserved in not one, but multiple additions to this site if not only for the simple purpose to remind myself of things that have come to pass. the simple truth is this. i don't know. i have been stretched thin, and i worry there may be residual damage, or outside influences. yes, looking back, there have been definite influences. my goals are becoming clouded with the immediateness of now. i must relearn patience in order to over come this issue. tracy coming back for the winter has helped alot. i feel, as with other things, that i am squandering a great opportunity that will only be missed once it is gone. i've been given pages, and things to write into them with, but something stays my hand. be it laziness, or something else i don't know. i still believe that the continuation of my mental capabilities rely on these "routine" check ups and probing.
this year was different. riley warned me, and things happened. having bought the Halo 3 Soundtrack, and listening to it currently, i feel as if i should be doing something heroic and epic and lasting. like going into hand-to-hand combat with a field of darkly clad opponents. anyway, this year, i think the most obvious thing that has emerged was the "art pack". it is a little weird to be a considered a "regular" in a group of free forming individuals. the best way i can explain this year is an opening in a woods, filled with all sorts of dark blues, purples and greens, and yet, highlighted with brilliant yellow and pinks and reds. things are still weird, but the promise that lies ahead is enough to keep the too ridiculous worries at bay.
this year, people stepped up and did some awesome things. i still feel like i'm perceiving time like a slow shutter camera, days blurring into others, mechanically recording the incoming information, only open again to the next day. i need to make sure this stops.
this year, was one of great realizations.
1 comment:
what is that? did you do the thing where you light steel wool on fire?
did you actually use fire? like... rags lit aflame?
regaurdless, it looks sweet. now if we can incorporate it into something.
your tree is really sweet too.
old, growing, wise, the fog is really cool, it knows just when to cover things up... not too close and not too far....
i sorta regret not having a blog of myown... then again, no one would read it, and i know it woudln't be as cleverly written as some of the stuff you have... lately, your quotes from social studies have been gold.
id fill it with the sweet photos id like to take... there are so many things i want to do, see, make... and yet i do way to much... you talk of how you want to do these things but are stretched too thin with other people... its alot worse when its over events...
i do check this weekly. i mostly look for another cool wallpaper. i found one this week...
btw, next chance i get, i need to talk to you
peace
Post a Comment