Hello Present

The world around me is finally feeling like a concrete area in which I live. This may sound just a mite hard to understand, but I believe that I have taken large steps in definitely coaxing myself out of the perspective of reality with a thin veil covering everything. Many things have been swirling around, but at least I have stayed in the same place, and have not been bullied by the winds to change stances. I will try to add some pictures to this post later once I get my camera uploaded, or charged. At the moment I am living back at Reed for a night. It is a little relaxing to be back here. Probably the aesthetics, but still, just a different buzz of people than I am used to seeing at Whitman. Even in this small windy day nothing is actually pushing itself to insistently. There are tremors and reminders, but they are not the type that try hearts. Settling continues to occur. Motivation still needs work not surprisingly enough.

Passions

hope

"I found your sister in a Reed article. Why didn't you go there? You would have done well at Reed."
-Craig Gunsol

Perhaps..

Something that the following discussion brought up was the safety of Whitman students and how they act within the rules. They don't do as well at going crazy and whatever they want. I kind of miss that from the few days I stayed at Reed and the ambient feel of it in surrounding Portland. While I can expand here a little better than at Reed, I feel as if in order to stay within social confines, it would be unwise to reveal just how impassioned I am about the randomness of my knowledge. I would love to speak to people all day long about things, or make something using an idea a friend heard in physics or do something. I feel this is a great place to learn, I am not sure I am in the right place to do. Or maybe learn to do. This nerfing of passions must not be allowed to happen I have decided. I have for too long been a shell of borderline apetheticness and am in desperate need of resurfacing to the qwirky and the emotional. I need to love my work and I need to know that the work loves me. While I know those around me have superpowers, and would not be here if they didn't, I can't always get the sense that they are using them. That being said expansion must continue. Expand until all is one and understanding is living.

Inspiration

Mask of a Proxy

Remembering patience, value and time, I am still having trouble with staying in the concrete now.









From: The Alchemist
A certain shopkeeper sent his son to learn about the secret of happiness from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for 40 days, and finally came upon a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. It was there that the wise man lived.

Rather than finding a saintly man, though, our hero, on entering the main room of the castle, saw a hive of activity: tradesmen came and went, people were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft music, and there was a table covered with platters of the most delicious food in that part of the world. The wise man conversed with everyone, and the boy had to wait for two hours before it was his turn to be given the man’s attention.

The wise man listened attentively to the boy’s explanation of why he had come, but told him that he didn’t have time just then to explain the secret of happiness. He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in two hours.

“Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something”, said the wise man, handing the boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil. “As you wander around, carry this spoon with you without allowing the oil to spill”.

The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the room where the wise man was.

“Well”, asked the wise man, “Did you see the Persian tapestries that are hanging in my dining hall? Did you see the garden that it took the master gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?”

The boy was embarrassed, and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had entrusted to him.

“Then go back and observe the marvels of my world”, said the wise man. “You cannot trust a man if you don’t know his house”.

Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of the palace, this time observing all of the works of art on the ceilings and the walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around him, the beauty of the flowers, and the taste with which everything had been selected. Upon returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen.

“But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?” asked the wise man. Looking down at the spoon he held, the boy saw that the oil was gone.

“Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you”, said the wisest of wise men. “The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon”.

System pt. 1

There is an underlying rhythm to these movements. It is a dull vibration throughout the environment, and I can at least feel it getting closer. There have been times that I've played in tune with it be it using a guitar or piano. I know it can be integrated into work and speech and life. I feel as if I've seen it done as well, and have had to appreciate the acoustics from a far. However, with concentration and dedication I feel as if I can not only grasp this, but internalize. There is hope, but being a vibration, I am still unsure which direction it is originating, or what is the source. It feels like momentum, and a familiar orange wrapped in green feeling. It is organization, it is music, it is rustling leaves, it is a curious duck.
There is a web that I can manipulate, and the only obstacle is my own will. There is too much to learn in not enough time, and too much time that is being wasted.

No life without growth,
No growth without change,
No change without death

A Controlled Spiral

Past week or so has been of particular interest. I am still suspicious of a particular weed that may still exist, but so far it has been either lurking, or has maybe finally be uprooted. I believe I have finally started getting into a good rythym of time. Always room for improvement, but at least I am doing more of the things that I want to do, and when to do them. Cycles have been hard to tie in at the moment. I feel as if they are there, but the colors don't quite match up. I feel aloof. Despite progress in activities, I can't really tell how passionately I pursuing things at the moment, or if I am merely doing things I think I should and going through them mechanically.
Portland was very useful. It helped remind and push forward life. At the very least, trails in the dark are being illuminated, and with any luck, there may be some more steady light.

Nowhere

 

D :

Thankful

 

Whitman is watered with Rainbows

 

Thought of

Assassins

From Whitman

It has begun. Not too much has changed just yet. Equilibrium is slowly swirling down to settling. I feel as if there is plenty of time to get everything I want to have done, but I am not utilizing my time well, as always. Friends are becoming more abundant which is of especial joy. I need to remember to keep drawing and reading when I don't have things to do. Pictures too. I have been lax.

From Whitman

Despite I died within 24 hours of assassins (very sketchy kill) things are inversely growing and connectivity is becoming alive. Tendrils are forming and this pleases me much.

I live here now.

From Whitman

And this is indeed my home.

I have done a good job today. /content/

From Whitman

Am at peace

Identification

"In the sense of consciousness as articulate and self-conscious reflection, an emotion can become conscious only if one has ( at the minimum) a language with which to 'label' it and articulate its constituent judgments."
-Emotions and Philosophy


This needs further refinement so that I can take better notice of it.

Gears

Thanks future Tracy.

Stabilizing

These few weeks left before heading out to college have thus far presented themselves in a very beneficial manner. The usual large percentage of what should be finished survives on, but there is a better condensing of past years and origins. I am using a good amount of confidence to just go out and do things that I want to, and organize myself so that impromptu adventure is possible. Should think about reasserting the glowing orb view, and then escalate it so that relationship threads are visible as well. Perhaps I should draw a picture of such a spectacle so that I know a little what to look for. When I load up this page to either look for forgotten ideas or to add new ones, I am noticing how much pictures are lacking and just how important they are to my being able to speak fluently or to explain things. They help things take form better than some text on green. I am reminding myself to make a "Things to look forward to" notebook so that I can start getting ready with anticipation.

I am just about almost ready.