Friday, January 8, 2010
Late is the Preemptive
At this late (early) hour while eating M&M's and milk, I am beginning to understand more. Not so much something new but a feeling that had color before but is only now becoming something more accessible. The person that I am and that which I would like to become are ideas that seem to be coming into view more and more. For there to be a future, there must be a present action to get there. These decisions must be made carefully, and if they must spontaneously. While there is danger at perpetuating a "prepare" mode, I do not yet think that this is something of worry. It is a now familiar rhythm that comes and goes. I have been at the least, more aware of it in the last year of Great Calm. We do what we do at the moment because in that moment we believe it to be the right thing, the action in order to gain the best future, or the preferred future event. Even if that means simply to continue a routine, or create something new and dangerously exciting is trivial. There is a flow there is a purpose there is a meaning to this rhythm. I do not think that I will be disappointed if I follow it. After watching many episodes of Full Metal Alchemist again. There is a drive, and reminder to have purpose. Ideals are not to be taken lightly, and neither is a commitment to resolve.
There are too many things I have yet to read, yet to see, yet to learn, yet to practice. The knowledge of this is there but still... it has not been thrust into with devotion. I feel that it is possible to do this and still only add to the self without forgetting the oil. I need to fully try and commit to something. I have certainly tried very hard at various skills and various practices, but not fully. Not with everything. Only a glancing attempt, less than full. I need to understand the world so that I can work and live within it. I need to stretch my bounds so that I can confidently be confident. If I don't, what security do I actually have in myself?
There is an ideal.
It understands, and it is silhouetted in my mind. Failure to obtain or reach this state of being may have recurring effects that will last longer than what may be projected. I must advance, must move. I need to first be able to trust in myself and ensure that I can carry out simple tasks. Once past, then the work will begin.
"Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalent exchange."
-Full Metal Alchemist
It is high time I begin exchanging and work to learn.
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1 comment:
This is a good post.
I watched Dream Weavers, a documentary about preparations for the Beijing 2008 Summer Olympics today.
One of the young girls on the gymnastics team reminded the interviewer that "bitterness comes before sweetness" when she talked about how difficult and tiresome it was to train.
She and the others making their preparations - such as the architects and builders of the birds nest - expended great effort in a relentless striving for perfection with high stakes.
They reminded me that the end goal takes dedication and difficult or unpleasant work in the getting there. That is the necessary exchange. It is not enough to endure the days leading up to the Olympics - one must actively work and invest to avoid failure.
If the builders had merely done their job to get it done, the Bird's Nest may have collapsed when they took away the supports. But because of extensive preparation and testing, before rigorous precision and demanding execution of the building tasks, the creation stood and succeeded as the centerpiece of the Olympic structures.
They were willing and able to follow through with making the exchange.
..I think you might like to read Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man sometime.
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