Coming Around

Amber, 45 degree upper left crimson clouds perspective

Thanks Tracy
music
Social Psychology has been very reassuring that I am pursuing something that is of great interest. Reading is not a chore, and I may soon just go ahead and finish the book. This is the psychology I am interested in and most familiar with. This is a class that I feel I must do well at and cannot fail. Productivity has stalled over the last week, but it is making a return. Refresh, reboot, step forward. I watched a few episodes of Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood again this weekend. After taking breaks in between watching large amounts of the show I am always hit with a very heavy, very real realization. Ed and Al never, NEVER stop trying. They never stop moving forward. They have a goal, and they not only strive for this with everything they have, but they do not lose their own identities through their fight. They have seen people killed, murdered, tortured, sacrificed. They have only each other, and have barely any friends who they can speak to about their past, or uncovered secrets. A particular scene that sticks with me is in the original series in which they come to Tuckers house to prepare for their State Alchemy Exam. Al is admiring the books and exclaims at how many there are and how cool it'll be to read them all. As he waits for Ed's response, he looks down and sees his older brother already half way through a book reading furiously.
"He's already started." Al jokes.

No hesitation. Always motion. Always learning, and the courage to confront the many obstacles that threaten to kill them.

At the least I am realizing these things and can try to keep up with them.

The other notice-ment is that of the dangers of mulling. I am good at it. I have much practice. I can understand things very well. However, that which is being understood must have been an actual event, which actual facts, and actual intents. Substitute intents only work so far, and usually for the wrong conclusion. "If we stop worrying, and fighting about time, I think we'll find that it's really on our side."-Scrubs episode. I want this to be true. I want to be able to stop thinking about right moments, situations, and how to time words. I need to work on teaching others how to listen and understanding that they already know how to.

Squeal!

Color of a Rhythm

MicroSD

Chewy Bar

I've recently returned back to Whitman after being home for the first time in about six months. The break was much needed, but was not complete until I returned. With fresh memories, I now can better compare today to last week. I am so happy that I live here. I was unable to get to my room without first being hugged by everyone in the first two sections, my own, and then a mass section hug. There was too much care going on. These are the people whom I am going to live with for the next few years, and I am confident that I am in capable hands. Here I feel a more intense concentration of self, or at the least I am aware of it more. I am safe here, and I can live here.
I need to stay focused and keep going. I need to keep writing here if only to help fuel my momentum. As usual. Work needs to be done. Today is a great time to start.

Keep playing piano.

Keep moving.

Like the Alchemist who tried to make gold out of lead, I must first try.

Late is the Preemptive

At this late (early) hour while eating M&M's and milk, I am beginning to understand more. Not so much something new but a feeling that had color before but is only now becoming something more accessible. The person that I am and that which I would like to become are ideas that seem to be coming into view more and more. For there to be a future, there must be a present action to get there. These decisions must be made carefully, and if they must spontaneously. While there is danger at perpetuating a "prepare" mode, I do not yet think that this is something of worry. It is a now familiar rhythm that comes and goes. I have been at the least, more aware of it in the last year of Great Calm. We do what we do at the moment because in that moment we believe it to be the right thing, the action in order to gain the best future, or the preferred future event. Even if that means simply to continue a routine, or create something new and dangerously exciting is trivial. There is a flow there is a purpose there is a meaning to this rhythm. I do not think that I will be disappointed if I follow it. After watching many episodes of Full Metal Alchemist again. There is a drive, and reminder to have purpose. Ideals are not to be taken lightly, and neither is a commitment to resolve.

There are too many things I have yet to read, yet to see, yet to learn, yet to practice. The knowledge of this is there but still... it has not been thrust into with devotion. I feel that it is possible to do this and still only add to the self without forgetting the oil. I need to fully try and commit to something. I have certainly tried very hard at various skills and various practices, but not fully. Not with everything. Only a glancing attempt, less than full. I need to understand the world so that I can work and live within it. I need to stretch my bounds so that I can confidently be confident. If I don't, what security do I actually have in myself?

There is an ideal.

It understands, and it is silhouetted in my mind. Failure to obtain or reach this state of being may have recurring effects that will last longer than what may be projected. I must advance, must move. I need to first be able to trust in myself and ensure that I can carry out simple tasks. Once past, then the work will begin.
"Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalent exchange."
-Full Metal Alchemist
It is high time I begin exchanging and work to learn.

Golden Gates and Frost Kingdom

The following year has been an interesting one to describe. More stable than most for sure, but still not devoid of its' own little quirks. Whitman was a huge part of this as well as finally getting out of high school. Despite I've now pretty much finished freshmen year, and do not like just how fast these days go by, I have done only a few of the things I originally set out to do. My writings are also a little more scattered. This may or may not a be a helpful sign. From the beginning of last year however, I would declare that while I may not be as colorful in my descriptions of self as I may at one time been, I most certainly can understand to a higher precision what I am feeling and why. Rooftop level thoughts are not quite so and are just as communicable as the rest of the house. This fall I had a lot of practice reviewing and applying for others which has helped reinforce my belief that I will be alright. I think I have been slowly actually putting trust in my self to not actively destroy things. I feel this is a little odd, but also a little empowering. There have been important realizations, or at least statements this year that will definitely be of use. The last year was one of Great attempted understanding. I will not be so bold yet as to say that I have achieved that, but this year is more certainly one of Great Calming. There has been an overall lack of stress all around, and I think I am better for it. I love my Whitman families and could not be happier at a college. I will continue to look toward growth, and will have to now begin to take actions to achieve goals. The next year hopefully will be one of the elusive action.

"Life is a forward motion"-Past Sam