What I missed out on this year.

Halo, Soccer, Foods, dog-1, Sciencing, phat cat, Outside Sky-1, Monsters, Sky-2, Sky-3, Dog-2, Having good fun

Breathe

Pail of a Well

I've taken a few minutes out of this night to try and go over about a year ago. I was hoping to see traces of growth if I could either find solace or reason for being. I am thankful that at key points in my development I decided to sit down here and type things for me to read later. It hurts to remember, but it is probably better for the long run. The question of relative value is still viable and up in the air. I'm getting kicked off the computer presently, but pastly I would like to thank myself for hanging on long enough to tell me what was important.
The water gathered can only help the years harvest

Beware though, even plants can be drowned by that which is necessary.

Revisiting Reconnectedness

I'm not really sure how things are going to be completely frank. I seem to be drawn more toward my work that I have yet to do rather than that which staring me right in the face. I'm a little concerned that I will try to pull back from my far off gaze and either get bitten by something in the near future, or even in the present because of my misguided sense of priority. Despite graduation close by, I really don't feel as if this year is different at all. I've used the title of senior to do barely anything I wouldn't have just done before. The people are still going to be there into the summer, and when I come back from college almost every time. The connections that I am beginning to foster are for the getting prepared for books and other far off things. There is a a transparent specter that wears internet shirts and drifts in and out of the perceivable consciousness of others on a weekly basis. The disappearance of such will leave with it no great trace and no viewable difference. It merely will move to a new place to haunt. Without the ability to affect the tangible world it is left to living off of what it hopes are correctly interpreted visual cues, and what it can make of the world it lives in as the strive for communication continues.

Take that future

Lately I have been trying to be more active in getting myself prepared for college whether that means making emma go running with me so that I can force myself to up hold an obligation and thus get things done, or by ordering large amounts of books from the library and making myself read them. The plan at the moment is to set up my future self to be in a position where it has to do things that will be advantageous for even the farther future self. Despite being assured to the contrary, I am still worried about possible lacking the adequatecy of a college student. To counter this I have started reading Gestalt Psychology books, and have ordered more on the way so that I can have a base come those classes. Slotting Japanese into my first year is also troubling. I don't know whether I should be watching anime, or trying to find a free online something, or get more books on it.
Unfortunate side effects include: literally zero motivation to do anything in school. It annoys me that I have not accomplished more in my time in shop especially. If I was serious about doing things I could have made so many things, but instead my procrastination has limited me to only a few. The same goes for art. I was not allowed to present this picture as it "was not mine" despite all I did was look at a smaller picture and then enlarge it on my own (I didn't trace anything).
I can't tell if I need people around me so that I can keep a picture of the world that includes more than just me, or if I need to be alone so that I can retract a little and get these things done. Current feeling is at level 4 I would say. After doing math on my math grade I can't fail it as long as I don't get a zero on my final, so I think I will be alright. I am a little sad philosophy is over. Even though I didn't learn anything, it was nice to have terminology for thoughts that I had, and a peace of mind that others were able to come to such a thought as well. I'm not crazy yet.

A shifting

A new theme song.



Also, just finished archiving and labeling 3000+ emails. I feel so efficient : )

Ca-chooga

Little to really note apart that Philosophy is done, math is still trying to put me into a tar pit, but finally Whitman sent out a course catalog. For some reason I have been able to read pretty easily through the first hundred pages of small font. If I plan things out right, then I should be able to get through college without having to take a large amount of math. Right now looking at Japanese, neurobiology, and psychology as things that I will probably be proficient in. This feels so much like an rpg's skill tree it's ridiculous. Problem though is that this skill tree is trying to be more of everything than the usual level up a ton one aspect. Oh, I should remind myself to get my college schedule up so that I can plan things with people long term.
House is still the bane of my left over time. Ever stealing away precious hours that I have already predetermined for another activity. It's getting far enough along that I can't say that this house won't look nice, but it is to the point where I'd rather just come back from college and have it be completed.
School is finished in about 2 more weeks. Still need to finish projects and tshrits. Reminds me that I need to finish making a Full Metal Alchemist shirt to the joy of many. Transmutation circles are a little hard to put onto shirts due to small-ity of lines.
I suppose I am content at the moment. A recent xkcd has reminded me that many other people can in fact exist and relate to many situations or states of mind. This is reassuring.
I need to start drawing. Hopefully children's book can be completed

Blerg

It has been much time and yet very little has passed. Days are nothing but units of time in which I go to school and waste time. Luckily there isn't that much left of it, but all the same. Nothing happens. I think I will start to get my own books from the library soon and start reading them. English is a joke, and other classes are more motions than actual learning. Goals are currently just to not vere way left and fail something. Basically graduate and survive until college so I can start anew. Social interactions also are just as they have been or have not been. With such a small amount of time left in the year, any thoughts about changing this are futile. Change does not happen is so brief a time. Philosophy is fun, and I still procrastinate a dangerous amount. Focus now is on moving forward, and just putting on the blinders so that I don't need to think about too much. This has of late caused me to fall into an apathetic "go with the flow" mentality which I have always disliked being apart of. It annoys me that I haven't been up to writing more pages either here or in my notebooks, or drawing or what not. Seams to be impossible to drag thoughts of compatibility out entirely though which is sometimes good, sometimes not needed. Money is in need of getting. Can not wait until I finally get my own lap top though. That will be absolutely amazing. This has deteriorated into another rambling, but I will take it as a step forward into writing here again. I started making myself run with Emma. This has been useful in that I need to be running and doing something, and also that Emma doesn't get to hang out much anymore. On a side note, drinking vast amounts of energy drinks is alright as long as you do not need to fall asleep that night. A note to future self, you will just be laying there mad you can't fall asleep, and then the next day you will feel fine. Takes about 20 hours to finally end. Also note to future self. Stop impulse buying. Set a goal, and then get that. Set another goal, and save up. That's how you get the get the best drops for lasting. Having a camera, I should be taking much more pictures and carrying it with me to many more destinations. Taking pictures should force me to make better aware of what's going on around me and predict if i should have it on or not. I'm not entirely sure how I am feeling right now, but I feel as if that feeling would care what I decided to call it so it is probably around a level 3 darker gray.

I need to go on more walks.