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Prolonged nothingness has slowly over the last month taken shape into a tangible form and is even now managing to weave itself into a garment that has unfortunately taken a liking to me and follows at my heels. Because I am currently feeling terribly uninspired to write for my philosophy exam I am writing here, throwing up a hope that in my random finger tappings I'll find some meaning or reason to be.
I checked out Ender's Game from the library since I have been unable to get Xenocide from anywhere. I'm taking better notes this time around, and after reading Speaker for the Dead there is still the same sense of amazement at how awesome these books are.
Part of my own fault has been watching more series on youtube and getting music. These so far have been a disruption that I continue to use.
There is frustration that I'm not doing anything. I'm not learning anything, I'm not taking in anything, I feel barely alive. The things I do do not have any effect on my surroundings, and if they do, there are many secrets that I am not privy to.
***
it is now May, and I found this draft while looking once again for inspiration and meaning to be. Xenocide was a useful book and helped a little. Right now time management is still a large problem as I keep finding myself spending large amounts of time either watching people play Smash Bros, or doing something else in which my presence does not matter. Reconnectedness is slipping into a concentrated individualism and putting on the blinders as the relationships around me become less insistent, and can just drift or sit there if that is to be.