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"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

-Dali Lama





I need to remember not to lean too hard.

I Would Have Stayed Up With You All Night...

Lack of Words

Respect the Octopus

I have no real intent on saying something in this post. maybe i thought it would be therapeutic. maybe in my talkings i would say something clever and full of truth, that i might notice it and take to it.

Surviving the Storm

Portable Colors.

I had forgotten how much I wanted to listen to music while walking. I have been without an ipod or music device for too long. Before it was to listen to songs that had relative lyrics that I could associate with and help me decipher things. That still has carried over, but now it is stronger. The music has become an extension of my thoughts. Tracy once mentioned how for a while, she could imagine flowers into realistic existence anywhere she wanted. I believe that much like that, I am becoming able to visualize the colors of how the song is going and the link between me, my thoughts, and the music. It is a little bit of a rush, and if you asked me what colors they were, I would have a hard time telling you. I know they exist. I can see them, but at the same time I feel them. I don't know where things are going, but I am determined to survive.




This Too Shall Pass - Danny Schmidt


We think too big
We think our self is one whole thing
And we claim that this collection
Has a name and is a being
But deep inside
When every cell divides
It sets upon the rule that states
Self-interest is divine

Cancer, too
Lives by this golden rule
That you must do unto the others
As the others unto you
All for the best
Cause that’s all the life accepts
And so we kill it like a buffalo
With awe and with respect


....




The story goes
Or the way that I was told
There was a king that always felt too high
And then he fell too low
And so he called
All the wise men to the hall
And begged them for a gift
To end the rises and the falls

And here’s the thing
They came back with a ring
It was simple and was plainly
Unbefitting of a king
Engraved in black
It had no front or back
But there were words around the band that said
Just know: This Too Shall Pass



This Too Shall Pass- Danny Schmidt

Familiar

I thought I had gotten rid of you. Nothing was supposed to survive those cleansing fires. Yet here we are again. You grew back so readily, if be a little slower, and better disguised. This time I may not be able to fight you off.




I am doomed to this road.

Should.

< reboot.>

Please don't be a Prediction.

What is Real Anymore?

Awakening

still distressed about losing my wallet, with no way to find it, i woke this morning to Better Days -Goo Goo Dolls, and then pleasant warmth of my bed. i hope this song selection is a sign, and that maybe to day won't be as bad as i imagined. this was shown to be false as my presence downstairs was met with annoyed parents. maybe things will get better and figure things out for the rest of the day.
blerg.
Tracy is gone.

Get Well Soon.

Color

i kinda stole this from Tracy... it was too good though. i needed it. i've already replayed it around 9 times.
thanks Tracy, i needed this.

I Make My Own Food

Transversing the Uncertainsea

"hey, are you hungry?"
"no, go buy yourself something."
"i know your hungry, just pick something out, i'll get it for you."
"no, save your money."
"do you want some chips?"


***

certain people have more influence on me than others. i'm not talking about one in particular, it just seems to be a continuing... thing. the way some people i really don't want to let down, where as others could ask the exact same thing in the exact same way and get a different result. maybe me deciding to put off said request or even forgetting about (generally not likely, but still a possibility). when i probed the reasoning for this beyond my attachments, i came to a compromising thought of sorts. in my experiences, weather this is how my brain observes social interactions or what, but i think that the underlying push for crushes and relationships is in fact fear of that person and their approval. without the fear, or uneasiness, then your relationship to that person falls to good, to , really good friends that can be cool about each other. for a while i've mentioned that i have had the overcast feeling of not really being here, and interpreting the world much like a third person view of things. this could be from me not writing enough that i've forgotten how to put ideas into words either verbal or written, but i don't really think it is. i think its because the fear is gone, and i'm not at all used to it. this lack of a something... its so different.
I've started wading into the waters, maybe i'll find a boat.