Youth

Weekend Topics: Recontinued Remember pt:1

These are some things that I have been noticing, and have tried to narrow down exactly what it is that make people seem so different from me in terms of the way they think. On the base level I feel as if people should be able to come to the same word-form conclusion that I come to, but I feel as if the path to get there is very different, and in the end changes the importance, or how personal the realization is.
"Nothing is small"

Future planning.
People may try to plan for the future, but I do not see them do it in the same way that I do. To me it seems to be more of a conscious attempt at a potential action rather than a scheduled event. I will be participating in it, and i need to think about the realistic situation in which I will be experiencing. I need think about the way it is going to smell, how crowded a thing may or may not be, that point where you look out and see someone you recognize but don't know wether to wave at them or not. Or if you may get flustered momentarily by someone your trying to impress. These all need to be considered. Returning to an idea of preparation. I am not sure if I can name something that I don't have to mentally prepare myself for before doing it. There is always a sonar ping, some "if this happens, I will say this" stretching required before going out and running with it. It is almost because of this that, in accordance with a later description of Role-Playing that it is almost pointless to go to most events that only deviate slightly, or make it so much easier to rationalize not going somewhere. I can imagine the situation, the buzz, the atmosphere, the dimness of the lights, a packed room with too many people and bouncing ping pong balls. Who is there with me, the words they will say and cause me to say words, etc. It becomes thought of. After practically experiencing it in real life I then make a decision if that is indeed the future that I want to participate in. Is that the future I want to have as part of my experience?

This preparation has played a large part in deciding what kind of person I want to be, and who I have become. In order to deal with a predicted event, I should be able to do ______ thing. In order to have that ability, or knowledge, I should practice this new skill, or increase my knowledge about this. The only other route is to explore the future image long enough to discover what exactly I am looking for and how I should realistically expect to achieve it.

Strategic Consciousness and Random Remember

Lately, in the past few days I have found that a brief 3 hour nap in the late afternoon allows for one to stay up and work very deeply into the night. This.. knowing when and not to be conscious, to be aware, poses a few questions.
By this method, it would seem that doing things later is in the better idea. Spending the day getting out all the distractions and reddit updates and then sleeping into work mode. This seems contrary to what was a growing rhythm.
Get it done now.
Action.
No waiting, only the present.
This clicks into a phenomenon that occurs when absorbing becomes self aware that it may, in fact, be hindering either an experience, or is unnecessary. A reboot is in order to clear all the search engines, connectors, remembering, and color empathy before taking things and responding on first impulse. It seems though, that this too has a monitor in order to terminate thoughts that reach second or third generation turn over to ensure spontaneous responses to stimuli and react through improve or intuition. But even these are, in some way, analytical. Finding timing and cues but just quieter, softer..

The Present is twisty and linear all at once. Absorbing all of it at once yields awareness and understanding, cogs turning, marvelous happenstance that the world has, at this location, with whatever history has happened, is unraveling this specific way right here right now. The stories that have such different origin's all coming to a head at a specific instant in time never to be quite as unique.
"People are good at talking, but not so much at listening." -Katie D.

Learning how to teach people how to listen is difficult if they are not used to it. I feel as if my moments where I know how to communicate what I say are random and beautiful when they happen. I can sense what I want to tell them, but if they are new to listening, then they won't pick out the important parts right way and often miss the perspective I want to weave. Or their ability to role play is limited by what information I give them and the way in which I present it. In order to teach others how to listen to me, I will have to learn how to become a better speaker. Those whom have a history will know the serious from the not, what I will pay attention to, and maybe have a 30% idea why.

I can't tell if others feel the gravity of things in the same way I perceive them. Especially struggle in inanimate, or organic materials. Their will and purpose they must strive to fulfill, if that couch is happy to be placed where it is, if a salt shaker gets lonely, or the insatiable garbage cans, laughing at how it tricks us into throwing it perfectly good food. Prompted from watching alot of anime where recently many characters across different series all express the same wants. 1) to be helpful to someone else, especially if they are a loved one, and 2) The ability to overcome any terrible tragedy through reception of a kind word from said cared one, or a special sea shell just for them. This insane drive to act in any way necessary to hold a promise.
This is really inspiring, and I can't tell if this is something just not found in our culture, if it has been forgotten, or only exists due to the over exaggeration of feelings and emotions often found in the anime medium.
Nothing is small.
To all the characters, and increasingly describing my perception of conversation, "Nothing is small."
It is not possible to perform an action, a spoken word, a twitch, a facial expression, and not have it mean something. Everything has a meaning.
I wonder how many others talk to those whom they peg as being "realistic" in order to discover, or reaffirm themselves that they are not insane, or at least not that much.

Writer's Block

At perhaps the most inopportune time, I am strangely relaxed with a back burner knowledge that I need to work more. I have seen what happens when i adopt this way of thinking, and I know that it's not going to be that positive if I just keep rolling in it. Probably the best solution would to walk away from this computer for a week. That would quickly get rid of my many tabs that i frequent, and certainly stop me from wandering to reddit or fark, or watching video game gameplay. It would also make me move from this dorm of people who also are looking for distractions and jump me when i'm weak. I also am regretting not only the lack of time I have spent to write things down, but also the lack of meaningful information that has been put up here lately. Most of them are in attempt to jump start something that I seem to have forgotten how to do properly, or at least in a way that could be put down on this screen. Wether this is the result of myself trusting to be able to deal with things more, or simply I am not still turning with insights. Then there is the regret and guilt that the answer is simply that I have had the time and have choose to ignore it, or not put in the time to carry my camera around to capture things. No capture, and no insight from lost things.

Rolling

This picture brings back memories. Mainly of the sandwich. I wish it cost half as much so that I could have bought two. At the moment I feel inclined to remember good food or creations. If only it didn't make me broke.


(bacon/spagetti)


A delicious scrambled eggs with potato bits and grape jam that needed to be used with a side of cherry something that was great.

Reality pt. 2

Which begs the question. Which am I more preoccupied with, the idea of the thing, or actually accomplishing it and advancing to get there?

In how many areas of my life is this really pertinent in?

A Lesson in Mobility

I am sometimes very curious and very interested in my ability to move my body from one location to the next. I just... get up and enter a new world. I can do that if I want to. I can go anywhere as long as I have either practiced running enough to get there, or climbing enough to get to another branch or hold.
Today I hovered my torso over to the Japanese House to make some food and then eat it in the Sun. It helped remind me. I can just do things I don't know how to do without preparing. I can screw up making sushi and it will be ok. As long as I remain concentrated of self, I can move. I can commit to an action and then present it to those around me.

As I've said many times before now I'm sure, "I think I can finally start being confident in my motions and do what I intend to". This idea is still lacking I feel in the ability to bring it to action rather than mentally accepted. This second semester has done quite a bit in terms of ability to swim better and learn the flow.
Things that too often are forgotten I feel:
-"This world, I think we like it"-Makoto Shinkai
-Teaching others to learn to listen. They want to, but sometimes we forget.
-I am a capable human being. I can do anything I want to, and achieve whatever goal I have. Nothing is too high, nothing is unreasonable if one tries hard enough to reach it.
-Patience
-People are orbs of light. Their bodies the way I interact with them, their minds in how I know them.
-No live with out growth, no growth without change, no change without death.

Great Pictures

Amazing

Psychology

One part being forced into a decision by time of meetings and wants, I think I have discovered a more real reason for studying psychology. It is a little interesting that psycho-analyzing things, especially relationships has such a negative stigma. A robot like scientist objectively observing something that can't just be simplified into words and then trying to interpret from such a removed stance. The reason this is interesting is because this is the exact oposite reason for finally deciding to Psych major. After flip flopping for a while I was able to word reasons a little better. I want to be able to understand people. I want to be able to be such an interpreter of their complete person (words, movements, choices) that I can connect with them on an even deeper subjective level. At first I thought it was just to figure out why people were stupid at understanding perspectives. How could people see the same thing and get so many ridiculous stances and beliefs from just a simple recall of a common memory? That seemed dumb, and dangerous. If one wants to even argue what it is to be human, then I would give a strong fight for the capacity to think cognitively. If you can understand someone else's mind, then you have broken through so many barriers. There is nothing else more special to any individual than their own consciousness. The ability to just have a better idea as to how to it... that makes for something that to me seems very not removed from the situation. That seems more to me the ability to actually know the core of another human being. Psychology is not the de-mystification of the mind, transforming people into automatons who control surprisingly little, but in fact another class in understanding. I would love to have the time to take more classes here to further this lofty goal, but for the now I'll have to be content.

I just want to know people better. if they would make it easier then i wouldn't have to study them and i could be taking art classes or philosophy, or science

-Me

Nothing Ever helps

Forward

It is time to get work done, son.

Geometry pt. II

I am coming to the conclusion that Portland is about the closest to a geographical mind reboot as anything. Every time I am here I can just feel layers sliding off, or changing the way they were arranged. Time holds still, but mostly is the same behind the curtain. Things make sense in Portland despite strange weather, and stranger road systems. I'm not quite sure how to put it, but this place is healthy. Like all the moss that covers everything. I think that fits. A Mossy-ness. The sun is setting on this particular puzzle despite it is still left uncompleted. There will be time to revisit it, but for now, I will place it in its own particular box of which I have collected many and should have one that will fit perfectly. There still is much to do, and having to figure out this and other puzzles on the side is not going to help find the rhythm. Soak back into black, lean against orange, let light blue be the guide through the woods.
(Dear future Sam, Draw this for understanding)

Snow in Spring

Walks late at night in a semi warm Portland, good food, co-incidence,

This is another book that I need to reread at a later date and immerse myself in. Despite being in the West, it clearly and vividly reminded me of the Midwest and my home. What I am and what Wisconsin is, and how that carries back to me. My childhood and my identity were momentarily refreshed. Long snowed in days where in a particular drift you make a store for people to admire your different and unique icicles. where you stay out on a dark hill by the barn that is only illuminated by a far off blue of the mysterious Night Light that just comes on whenever it is dark. How that lonely light skips and reflects off of frail clumps falling from the sky. Arms outstretched, clothed in thick bundles standing triumphantly on your creation only to run back up the hill breatheless and tube down again on a track that is finally smooth enough for speed.

I remember.

I remember everything.

Just Maybe

I forget the exact time, but I remembered something I posted earlier this year, and was more aware a thing.
A shift of thinking from "How will a Sam deal with those around him and the world" to "How will those around me and the world deal with a Sam?"

(Pic to be added later)

How to Measure Time

I have finally gotten around to getting "The Little Prince" into my possession again. After reading other Dr. Seues books and eating a few grapes I was very glad to sit and remember. I'll have to go back and read "The Rainbow Scale" as I remember my guidance counselor reading it to me in kindergarten. I have also managed to get back into the habit of carrying around a camera around more often. The landscape has yet to be exactly picturable.
I think this semester I feel slippery. A few things grab me as I chance by, but by and large there is just too much oil and they don't stick, or don't find just the right hand hold. Perhaps it is my own hands that are too slick, or that I don't know what holds I can use. The thought is maybe even so maleable, so... not concrete that maybe without definition it simply lacks to be.

There is exactly enough time.

Sitting in an unkept lawn, feeling the long blades of grass, like hair wrapped along my fingers.
Softening my core.
Rays of life scream down from their lonely adventure, warming my skin.
Breathe in infinity and exhale uncertainty.
geometry and colors, rivers and trees.
A single droplet perfectly suspended in slow free fall.
No action without reaction, no movement without cause.
Radiating power. Secure. Warm. Tender. Safe.
Cloud whisping along, who are you really?